thesis statement about interpersonal relationship

Interpersonal Communication and Effective Relationships Essay

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Introduction

The relationship situation, the relationship’s stage, interpersonal communication theories, the affectionate exchange theory, the communication theory of identity.

Interpersonal communication is an essential attribute of life since humans, being a social creature, cannot avoid interaction with other people. The quality and productivity of communication patterns can vary, and related theories explain how the relationship process is formed and developed. As an example for analysis, my personal situation will be given in which my childhood friend and I appear. The affectionate exchange theory and the communication theory of identity are relevant concepts that can be applied to the situation under consideration to assess their usefulness for managing that case.

The situation for analysis concerns our joint trip to the cinema with a friend. When choosing a movie to watch, I insisted that we should watch a new blockbuster to see if it was worth the many positive reviews on the internet. However, my friend argued that we should not have gone to that film because it had no aesthetic value and insisted that we should have chosen a drama by a little-known but respected director. That situation did not give rise to serious disagreements between us but became the reason for the discussion. I, for my part, said that he behaved like a snob. My friend, in turn, spoke about the fact that we did not need to succumb to mass advertising and consume content that had no artistic meaning. As a result, we could not decide which film we could attend.

Commitment is the relationship’s stage that has affected the situation in question. My friend and I have known each other for many years. Despite any differences of opinion and misunderstandings, we both know that our friendship remains constant and does not depend on such factors as individual perceptions and preferences. As Floyd (2020) notes, commitment is the stage at which strong relationships are built. It is possible that it was due to our long communication with the friend that we did not quarrel and did not begin to sort things out by turning to personalities.

Appropriate interpersonal communication theories can be utilized as concepts to interpret the aforementioned situation. As such models, the affectionate exchange theory and the communication theory of identity have been chosen. Each of these concepts reflects characteristic patterns of interaction and allows a specific case of communication to be described to obtain a comprehensive view of the disagreement and reflect the background and potential consequences.

This concept is a model that largely explains the social nature of humans. According to Floyd (2020), the theory has its roots in basic life necessities, such as procreation and survival. In their desire to receive support, people interact with others, which develops over time into close relationships and transforms communication into a closer connection, for instance, into a family. Graves (2021) considers this concept as a framework that allows one to interpret “feelings of fondness and intense positive regard” (p. 356). As a result, the stability of communication is expressed in love or friendship relationships.

In terms of the aforementioned situation, the affectionate exchange theory demonstrates my desire to maintain normal relationships with my friend, regardless of the difference in views. While we may see individual cultural trends and view life differently, our friendship is what binds us, although our preferences are individual. Therefore, this concept, in many ways, fits the situation of going to the cinema and helps answer the question of why our relationship did not worsen after the discussion.

Another concept that may be applied to the situation in question is the communication theory of identity. According to Floyd (2020), this model is a framework that describes how different types of identity, including personal, communal, and some others, influence the nature of interpersonal interaction. Given the differences between people, distinctive perceptions regarding the same phenomena develop. Moreover, as Stewart (2022) states, layers of identity should not be separated in the evaluation of specific personality manifestations because it is this totality that influences particular worldviews. Therefore, from a communication perspective, an appropriate set of identity patterns defines relationships.

In the context of the situation presented, applying this theory can help understand that each person has a unique set of identities. In other words, even two people who are close to each other cannot consider and evaluate the same phenomenon or event in exactly the same way. Age, culture, and other characteristics inevitably affect the perception of the world, and our different views on cinema emphasize this thesis. Thus, when applying this theory to our situation, I can say that our unconditional acceptance of each other’s set of identities could have helped avoid any disputes.

The affectionate exchange theory and the communication theory of identity allow for interpreting the situation of my dispute with my friend and help assess how individual interaction patterns determine the nature of communication. The stage of commitment shows that despite any differences, my friend and I are not ready to give up communication. Both theoretical concepts involved contribute to understanding the characteristics of personal perceptions, which largely determine individuality.

Floyd, K. (2020). Interpersonal communication (4 th ed.). McGraw Hill.

Graves, C. G. (2021). Insights on affection exchange dynamics in interpersonal interaction . Personal Relationships , 28 (2), 355-378. Web.

Stewart, C. O. (2022). Stem identities: A communication theory of identity approach . Journal of Language and Social Psychology , 41 (2), 148-170. Web.

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Bibliography

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Interpersonal Communication: A Mindful Approach to Relationships

(12 reviews)

Jason S. Wrench, State University of New York

Narissra M. Punyanunt-Carter, Texas Tech University

Katherine S. Thweatt, State University of New York

Copyright Year: 2020

Last Update: 2023

ISBN 13: 9781942341772

Publisher: Milne Open Textbooks

Language: English

Formats Available

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Reviewed by Jinnie Jeon, Assistant Professor, Adler University on 5/30/23

N/A read more

Comprehensiveness rating: 5 see less

Content Accuracy rating: 5

Relevance/Longevity rating: 5

Clarity rating: 5

Consistency rating: 5

Modularity rating: 5

Organization/Structure/Flow rating: 5

Interface rating: 5

Grammatical Errors rating: 5

Cultural Relevance rating: 5

“Interpersonal Communication: A Mindful Approach to Relationships” by Jason S. Wrench, Narissa M. Punyanunt-Carter, and Katherine S. Thweatt is a truly illuminating journey into the depths of human interaction. A cutting-edge book written in an engraining and accessible style, it expertly blends theoretical foundations with practical applications, encouraging readers not just to understand but also to implement the principles of effective communication. The author’s unique focus on mindfulness, a concept rarely emphasized in similar literature, provides a fresh perspective and an essential tool for nurturing and enhancing relationships in today’s fast-paced, technology-driven world. This approach enables readers to become more present and thoughtful communicators. Despite the intricacies of the subject matter, the text remains approachable and practical, enriched by real-life examples and exercises that promote self-reflection. The original cover art by Melinda Ahan adds a touch of beauty and uniqueness to this enlightening piece of work. Overall, the book stands as a seminal text for anyone seeking to improve their interpersonal communication skills, from students to professionals and beyond.

Reviewed by Dana Trunnell, Associate Professor of Communication, Prairie State College on 3/15/23

This text covers interpersonal communication concepts and theory in extraordinary detail with the added bonus of weaving mindfulness into each topic. If anything, I find the chapters to be almost too long for undergraduate reading expectations.... read more

This text covers interpersonal communication concepts and theory in extraordinary detail with the added bonus of weaving mindfulness into each topic. If anything, I find the chapters to be almost too long for undergraduate reading expectations. That said, the mindfulness approach, along with the care taken to cover topics from multiple perspectives is appreciated. One especially great resource is the accompanying instructor resource manual, which is very detailed, updated, and helpful. It is not the afterthought that some OER textbooks provide. I would like to see more coverage of LGBTQIA+ issues.

The text is accurate, without grammatical and proofreading errors. I do think the text can be rather repetitive in spots, so word economy might be something to think about for future revisions and editions.

Interpersonal Communication is a timeless discipline and the text reflects this disciplinary longevity. I find the mindfulness approach to be an important update as the mindfulness trend establishes itself into a more long-term approach to thinking about relationships, communication, and life, in general. But, the text should be updated to be more aware and inclusive of emerging norms in race, LGBTQIA+, and sociopolitical issues.

Clarity rating: 4

Information is presented in an easy-to-read format and concepts are explained clearly. As I mentioned above, at times, the text can be pretty repetitive, which affects readability.

The content in this text is consistent with the approaches of for-profit volumes on Interpersonal Communication.

I like that this text displays the full chapter when one clicks on the link instead of only one subsection of that chapter. So, students can read the entire chapter from one link without having to scroll through other pages using navigational tools. I have found that the latter is very confusing to students, who might read only the first subsection and not the entire chapter. These links can easily be incorporated into an LMS module for easy access. In addition, each chapter is organized consistently, beginning with introductory information about each unit. The chapters are divided by major topics/concepts and each division includes Learning Objectives, Key Takeaways, and application Exercises. Time is devoted in each chapter to the application of the mindfulness approach as it relates to the topic of study. Chapters end with a list of important terms, a case study, and end-of-chapter assessments.

The content flowed well with transitions linking the chapters. I think the ordering of the chapters made sense. I also think it makes sense to organize them completely differently. The beauty of interpersonal communication is that it is so important and pervasive in our lives that we can jump in anywhere and get the discussion started. I do think, however, it is easy to adapt the flow of the text to any class – titular notions of “Chapter 1,” “Chapter 2,” etc. mean less with an electronic resource that is linked to LMS modules than a physical book.

Interface rating: 4

The textbook is easy to use and easy to navigate as it uses the consistent approach of other texts housed in the Open Textbook Library. Chapters are consistently organized and it is easy to move throughout the text. I love that hyperlinks are provided so students can access referenced surveys, measures, and other supplementary material. Unfortunately, some of these are dead links.

I did not encounter grammatical errors as I read.

Cultural Relevance rating: 3

The book acknowledges the importance of cultural factors as they influence various parts of the interpersonal communication process. However, the text would benefit from an update that helps students navigate the current communication climate, especially as they relate to current issues associated with race, sociopolitical events, and LGBTQIA+ people.

This text is particularly good for introductory-level interpersonal communication students. Instructors who value mindfulness as a daily practice will find this text especially suitable for their teaching style. New instructors will be impressed and feel supported by the extensive ancillary material.

Reviewed by Beth Austin, Assistant Teaching Professor, University of Wisconsin - Superior on 9/23/22

This book covers all the relevant material covered in a typical textbook on interpersonal communication. read more

This book covers all the relevant material covered in a typical textbook on interpersonal communication.

After briefly looking through the book and with publisher and the authors' credentials, I am confident in the accuracy of the content.

This text was published in 2020 and the images, research, and mindfulness angle are still relevant. Only time will tell the reception that mindfulness receives over the years.

This book is easy to read and contains foundational jargon for the discipline.

The text is internally consistent in terms of terminology and framework.

The page layout of this book provides the reader with captivating images which provide reading breaks. The infographics are colorful and visually dynamic.

The flow and structure of this book follow the table of contents for many other interpersonal communication texts.

This book is user-friendly and easy on the eyes.

I did not find any grammatical errors in this book.

I did not see any evidence of insensitive or offensive material in the book.

Chapter 14: The Darkside of Interpersonal Communication provides information about which many undergraduate students may relate.

Reviewed by Riley Richards, Assistant Professor, Oregon Institute of Technology on 8/22/22

This book offers a unique perspective on IPC, particularly through its mindfulness lens. Through this lens, it covers the standard and expected major ideas needed to cover in an IPC class and is covered in other IPC textbooks. The information... read more

This book offers a unique perspective on IPC, particularly through its mindfulness lens. Through this lens, it covers the standard and expected major ideas needed to cover in an IPC class and is covered in other IPC textbooks. The information covered and how it is presented (i.e., readability) are fit for undergraduate students in an introductory or standalone IPC course. Areas of content that stand out in this text, compared to other IPC texts, are the chapters on mediated communication and especially the dark side of IPC. Additionally, emotions through the lens of mindfulness are discussed throughout the text while other IPC texts lump the connection between emotion and communication into a section or chapter. From an instructor standpoint, I especially appreciated the authors explaining how research findings were found (i.e., methodology) instead of simply providing the student with the information and a citation through the research spotlight sections. My only minor critique is the family and marriage relationship chapter. The marriage portion albeit limited is related to family but also seemed out of place in the text. A standalone chapter on romantic/sexual relationships seems like a natural next step in the next edition. Also, instructors can easily substitute this section for other material. Finally, the additional materials (e.g., Ted Talk, YouTube videos) provide accessible material for a student who may wish to learn more in-depth information or prefer information through different mediums.

The authors did well in balancing the breadth and depth of the subject within each chapter and across the book. I did not find parts or the sum of the parts to be biased or inaccurate.

As of this review, the content is up to date across the board from current research findings to the inclusion of seminal research and examples of concepts (e.g., COVID-19) that students can relate to. Additionally, the text is written (also through its license) in such a way that other instructors can freely expand on the authors’ examples or go in and make their own. Finally, I believe the lens of mindfulness to be around and relatable for quite some time based on national data about Generation Z coming through university doors for at least the next few decades.

The text was clear. The authors do a good job clearly defining and calling the reader’s attention to major ideas before going in-depth into the concept. The real-world case study included at the end of every chapter and its prompted thinking questions (which could easily be in-class discussion questions) is helpful for readers to consider key ideas in contexts immediately after reading the chapter.

The text keeps consistent and uses terminology as it was originally defined/discussed and is consistent with the larger IPC literature.

The text is clearly divided into chapters and sections within chapters. Instructors can easily use standalone chapters and/or add/remove sections within chapters to meet their pedagogy needs. The text is not overly self-referential, and a new reader would not need to read chapters in order. However, the reader would be best to have some background to IPC (i.e., chapters 1-3) before reading how the material applies in specific contexts.

The chapters are logically ordered and run in order similar to most IPC texts (i.e., I did not have to change my course vary much when transitioning to a new text). Each chapter opens with clear learning outcomes and ends with a reminder of the key terms and supplies the reader with a means to immediately apply the content through case studies, quizzes, and personality tests.

Overall, there were no major issues. Few exceptions such as a table going over onto the next page, textbox, or section header breaking apart sentences in the same paragraph (e.g., “end of chapter” in chapter 12). These few exceptions do not take away from the content being covered.

In my read through I found no major issues. I also offered my students extra credit to find errors (aids their writing) and they did not find any issues either.

The text was neither culturally insensitive nor offensive. The examples provided vary across genders, sexes, sexualities, races, and ethnicities. This is especially true in the culture chapter.

Overall, I strongly recommend this text to others. This is my first time using and reviewing an OER. I have used it for one summer term so far but plan to continue to use it in the future. No textbook is perfect for our individual needs, we all teach differently. However, the beauty of the author’s choice of license allows each of us to use the text differently. Thus, as the years go on, I will continue to pick and choose and supplement where I need to based on my curriculum and learning outcomes.

Reviewed by Abby Zegers, Correctional Education Coordinator, Des Moines Area Community College on 11/17/21

This text is incredibly comprehensive to the point that I feel that it could possibly be two texts or classes, depending on how much time you had. Each chapter dives relatively deep into its topic and not only is it visually appealing with up to... read more

This text is incredibly comprehensive to the point that I feel that it could possibly be two texts or classes, depending on how much time you had. Each chapter dives relatively deep into its topic and not only is it visually appealing with up to date charts, graphs and pictures, the downloadable version has hyperlinks to directly take the student to a certain inventory that the chapter is utilizing as a supplement. I found this to be really engaging. The text has a separate instructor manual which is incredibly useful with all of the materials, power points, quizzes and other necessary information needed to instruct this class. There is a glossary at the end of the text. No index was available which in my opinion would be helpful simply due to the fact that many topics/subjects or inferences are utilized throughout the chapters and not necessarily in the one devoted to that topic.

I found the content to be accurate and free from bias. I noticed only a few grammatical errors but content was incredibly accurate and up to date with references cited appropriately throughout.

Interpersonal communication is a topic that holds relevance and longevity as many things stay the same however the authors did an excellent job with current communication topics such as Chapter 12 devoted to Interpersonal Communication in Mediated Contexts. This is a topic I spend a great deal of time on with my classes as it is so current and relative to their lives right now. I think that this information will change in the future however the content available now on the topic will remain relevant as “history”. I found value in the links to different personality tests or activities that were relevant to the topic at hand and appreciated that they were available so easily as students are more likely to click a link rather than jot down something they might look up later.

I found this text to be very elaborate into many topics relating to interpersonal communication and the extensive glossary was very helpful. The supplemental activities and videos presented are a wonderful way to apply what is approached in each lesson. The text uses a “mindfulness” approach which might be a new concept to some however I think it’s a great way to see the value and importance of the topic.

I found no issues with consistency. Each chapter is laid out the same with Learning Outcomes identified in each section, exercises that could be great journal activities or discussions, key takeaways, a chapter wrap up including key terms used, a real world case study and a quiz followed by references. It is consistent throughout the text and a great way to appeal to different types of learners.

The way this text is set up allows for one to jump around if need be however; the beginning focuses more on history and theory which in itself is important along with communication models. This in itself could almost be its own text with the depth the authors go to in the material along with the abundance of activities and self-assessments allowing the reading to analyze their own styles creates a nice foundation to continue into the material. For my own classes, I would never have enough time to get through this text and give it the attention that it deserves so the ability to pick and choose topics and chapters relative to today is really an attractive part of it for me.

I think this text flows very well and much of the material from the beginning builds upon itself. The chapters are in appropriate order with building content however; it is beneficial that an instructor could pick and choose different areas they wanted to focus on without losing too much. The text ends with Chapter 13 being Interpersonal Relationships at Work and Chapter 14 being The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication and I feel that these were appropriate choices to wrap up the text with.

I loved the ability to read through this text in electronic format and the hyperlinks were incredibly helpful and I had no issues with connectivity to sources. Images were clear and loaded as they should. I printed off a copy of the text and there were no formatting issues in doing so. I feel that utilizing the hard copy method or downloading the pdf version are both great options to have that appease different types of learners.

There were a few minor grammatical errors here and there but nothing that distracted me or was relative enough that I documented it. I felt like it was very well written and edited.

There is a specific chapter dedicated to Cultural and Environmental Factors in Interpersonal Communication however; references to cultural and gender issues are spread throughout and I feel like the information is inclusive.

Overall, I found this text to be a really great OER and am using pieces of it for my classes. I appreciate a text that appeals to many different styles of learners with text, videos, interactive quizzes and assessment and slides. So much material is available and covered and I find many sections of this to be useful in a few different classes that I teach. I am thankful to have found this text and look forward to continuing to use it.

Reviewed by Jennifer Adams, Professor, DePauw University on 11/13/21

This book is lengthy, and each chapter contains more good content than I expected. There are chapters on each topic you would expect (although organized somewhat differently than most of the popular print textbooks in this discipline). For... read more

Comprehensiveness rating: 4 see less

This book is lengthy, and each chapter contains more good content than I expected. There are chapters on each topic you would expect (although organized somewhat differently than most of the popular print textbooks in this discipline). For example, the information on perception is mostly in chapter 3, but some info about the topic was found across two other chapters (and attribution theory is not really included at all). There is no specific chapter on emotion, but there is content about it throughout. Furthermore, something that was somewhat new to me was incorporating the idea of "mindfulness" along with competence to understand communication processes. There is a chapter on technology that I think is growing in importance. This book doesn't really push the envelope on considering issues of identity like race or gender, but there is a good chapter on culture (and I would say that is also true of many for-profit books). The sections on relational communication are really thorough and give a good range or ideas and theories for each different relational experience. While the organization was slightly different than the book I was used to using (the Floyd text), I was able to find all of my content normally covered somewhere in this textbook.

I found no errors in this textbook that I have found aside from minor typos or a few strange sentences. The content is accurate and attributed to the correct sources. There is a lengthy and useful reference list.

This book includes all of the theories and concepts that I have been teaching for two decades. Their examples are really useful. One thing I did notice is that a lot of space is taken up by quizzes or activities - things like personality tests. I don't really use those in any way, but I do wonder if those types of things might be trendy - I don't know that or sure, but I didn't use them. I do think that the focus on "mindfulness" is something that is popular now that has not been in the past, but I certainly hope that the value in mindfulness doesn't trend away any time soon. I really thought that the book was up to date and see no reason it can't be updated relatively easily.

This book is comparable to the popular for-profit interpersonal communication textbooks that are available. It is addressed to the reader, and it is easy to read. It does introduce new terminology and concepts , but these are always defined clearly. At the end of every chapter, there is a 'take-away" section that includes key-terms, so there is the ability to look those up outside of the basic text as well. There are activities at the end of each chapter as well, to help develop.

Yes, the entire book is about interpersonal communication and it does not diverge from topics covered in the popular for-profit books. I didn't find any inconsistencies in the way that the material is presented. In fact, the opposite is true: their focus on "mindfulness" as a skill that can be developed holds each chapter together, so that there is not just information about the important ideas and theories, there is also a constant reflection on the values of mindfulness as it relates to all of the topics (and relationship types) that are covered.

This is really well organized. The book is divided into chapters, and each chapter is divided into subsections that have numbered placement within the chapter and headings throughout. (For example, chapter seven materials are divided into 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, etc). If you didn't want to assign the entire book, you could easily pick sections here and there to use (and you can save only those sections as PDFs to insert on your syllabus or organizing platforms).

Organization/Structure/Flow rating: 4

The book is not organized like my class was, but it wasn't a major deal and I simply hoped around a bit. So, for example, I thought that the chapter on culture should come sooner than chapter 6, perhaps before verbal and nonverbal communication. I also wasn't sure that some of the content in chapter 7 called "Talking and Listening" was placed well there - it seemed redundant in some ways, but some info (like social penetration theory or the johari window) seem like they should be in an earlier chapter about perception. That being said, these concerns are ultimately very minor - the content I expected was there, and I could assign page #s for specific sections that I needed to address at different times in the semester. I did not use this book chronologically from chapter 1 to the end, but that has been true for for-profit books I have used in the past, too. I found the chronology to be good.

I used this book in the fall of 2021, and recommended that all students download the PDF version, which is what I primarily use. The book's TOC is hyperlinked, and so you can easily find the content you are looking for and click to go to the relevant sections. When I do keyword searches for specific theories or concepts, they come up easily without error. It's easy to use and the layout is professional and attractive (pictures and images come through formatted correctly, charts and graphs look clear).

This book is well written. Aside from a few typos here and there, I didn't find lots of problems with readability. It's not perfect; for example, sometimes where there are bullet points, they are not written in a parallel style, or something like that which might be noticeable, but that was pretty infrequent. The writing is clear and correct.

Cultural Relevance rating: 4

There is nothing offensive that I found in this book. The book includes examples and ideas that are inclusive or race, ethnicity and gender. There is an entire chapter on cultural communication, so it does present information about cross-cultural differences and communication. I would like to see more about gender and more explicitly about race, but some of that content IS here (I just find myself spending more time on this every semester, but I must use supplemental material on topics such as white fragility or privilege and how that impacts interpersonal communication).

Although I hate the price of textbooks, I have been hesitant to use open source materials in the past due to a perceived lesser quality. This book has changed my mind. It isn't perfect, but it saves students 50-100 dollars, and the information that they purchase isn't perfect either. This book presents as professional, and it reads that way as well. Of course, I supplement this book with popular readings and examples, but almost all of the academic content I needed was in this book. I do recommend it.

Reviewed by Joseph Nicola, Professor, Century College on 10/6/21

The text provides a very detailed and granular index and glossary. Very helpful when planning lessons and homework readings. The text is hyperlinked from the index/glossary making it helpful for students. Presents a good explanation of the many... read more

The text provides a very detailed and granular index and glossary. Very helpful when planning lessons and homework readings. The text is hyperlinked from the index/glossary making it helpful for students. Presents a good explanation of the many important aspects of the communication discipline.

Content is accurate, error-free and unbiased. Does a fair job at covering the large content scope of Interpersonal Comm subject manner. Does not address some popular content covered in an undergrad course on the subject. However the text does provide a nice foundation for class lecture and discussion. Sources are referenced at the end of every chapter.

Relevance/Longevity rating: 4

Content is up-to-date, but not in a way that will quickly make the text obsolete within a short period of time. The text is written and/or arranged in such a way that necessary updates will be relatively easy and straightforward to implement.

The text clearly covers the basic principles of the large content subject matter. Does a fare job a covering basic principles that are foundational for the discipline.

The subject of gender identity is not greatly covered. Terms within the LGBTQIA are briefly mentioned but not explained further. A future edition would benefit from this addition.

Good concordance and glossary of terms with page numbers. Easy to read and follow. Has “Key Takeaways” and End of Chapter “Exercises at the end of each chapter. For the most part, the text adequately covers the material needed.

Yes. It appears consistent throughout.

This is a well organized text. That does a fair job at covering that large foundational scope of interpersonal communication. Has “Key Takeaways” and "End of Chapter Exercises" at the end of each chapter.are very nice for class activities and discussion.

Text is organized very well.

Good text and well interfaced. Easy to navigate.

Text is well written with clear paragraphs, bullet points and formatted topic headings. No errors found.

The text does devote a large amount of content to explaining the importance of cultural awareness for being a competent communicator. Provides a good starting foundation to start with class lectures and class discussion. Graphics do depict a diverse student population which is nice to see that intention. Some content that could be added on: *It should be noted that the important subject topic of gender identity is not greatly covered with this text. Terms within the LGBTQIA are briefly mentioned but not explained further. *Only briefly mentioned the importance of Emotional Intelligence but lacks in content and key terms within the subject and practical examples.

The subject of gender identity is not greatly covered. Terms within the LGBTQ+ are briefly mentioned but not explained further. Well designed and layout with some minimal graphics and color-coated topic headings. There could be more for a future printing. Offers some personality and perspective assessment activities that would serve as a good chapter activity.

Reviewed by Aditi Paul, Assistant Professor, Pace University on 8/13/21

The authors do a really good job at covering a variety of introductory, foundational, and contemporary topics pertaining to interpersonal communication. read more

The authors do a really good job at covering a variety of introductory, foundational, and contemporary topics pertaining to interpersonal communication.

Content Accuracy rating: 3

The authors do a good job of laying the foundation of the importance of mindfulness in interpersonal communication. However, the discussion surrounding mindfulness and how it should be integrated into different aspects of interpersonal communication was less than thorough. Mindfulness almost came as an afterthought rather than being weaved into the main material in most chapters.

The importance of mindfulness in interpersonal communication is a highly relevant topic, especially in today's age where most of our communication over digital media has become primarily mindless. The authors also do a good job at including new and relevant topics such as body positivity in non-verbal communication, computer-mediated communication apprehension, internet infidelity, and postmodern friendships.

The text was very clear and easy to follow.

Consistency rating: 3

As mentioned earlier, the lack of consistency was evident in the discussion of mindfulness. The authors introduce mindfulness in terms of "attention, intention, and attitude" in the first chapter. But in the rest of the chapters, especially chapter 5 onward, the conversation around mindfulness dwindles.

The modularity of the book was good.

The organization of the book was good. The only critique I would have is the placement of the chapter on culture and interpersonal communication. I would have preferred that topic to be introduced earlier than chapter 6 since a lot of our verbal and non-verbal communication is colored by culture.

The interface of the book was good.

The grammar of the book was good.

The book was culturally sensitive. It included sexually and culturally marginalized groups into the conversation.

Reviewed by Rebecca Oldham, Assistant Professor, Middle Tennessee State University on 5/20/21

This textbook provides a thorough introduction to communication studies. It covers multiple important theories, seminal research, major concepts, and practical suggestions for improving communication. The instructor guide includes many helpful... read more

This textbook provides a thorough introduction to communication studies. It covers multiple important theories, seminal research, major concepts, and practical suggestions for improving communication. The instructor guide includes many helpful tools, including chapter outlines, presentation slides, in-class activities, practice quiz questions, and links to TEDTalks and YouTube example videos from recent popular films and TV shows. It also comes with a student workbook. This textbook has as many, if not more, supplemental materials as a traditional textbook.

However, some sections of the book could be expounded upon with future revisions. For example, I would have expected to see more variety of research about on marriage beyond Fitzpatricks typologies (e.g., John Gottman's research or references to other romantic relationship research). Other topics I would like to see in future revisions are (1) the rhetorical triangle and (2) the elaboration likelihood model.

However, the comphrehensiveness is still such that instructors additions to this textbook for curriculum would merely be supplemental.

This textbook uses a mixture of seminal and recent research to review major topics of interpersonal communication to supports accuracy. When relevant, the authors describe research studies and methods, not just the findings, which enhances students' science and information literacy.

The textbook is written with up-to-date research and references to recent culture and political issues from the past year (e.g., COVID-19, political polarization). References to mediated communication are very up-to-date, with the exception of TikTok not being mention. The instructor's manual provides excellent examples of concepts in recent popular TV and film that students are sure to enjoy because they are not out-dated and the media is familiar for this age group.

However, I would reframe the concept of relationships in the textbook beyond "marriage" to "committed romantic relationships" given the increase of polyamory/consensual non-monogamy, open relationships, and long-term cohabitation/commitment without marriage. Although marriage is still largely the norm in the United States, the changing landscape of romantic relationship development could be more strongly present in this textbook.

The tone of the authorship balances an academic and conversational tone well-suited for an undergraduate audience. Jargon is well-defined in-text and glossary is provided. The writing is professional and academic, without being esoteric.

No inconsistencies in terminology, theoretical frameworks, nor pedagogical approaches were detected. The authors have clearly reviewed this textbook for quality and consistency.

The textbook is well organized into manageably-sized blocks of text with many headings and subheadings, which helps the reader navigate the text. Instructors should find it easy to identify how parts of this textbook overlap with their existing communcation or relationships course for ready adaptation and integration into existing curriculum.

This textbook is largely organized like other communication textbooks: Introduction/Overview, Identity, Verbal/Nonverbal Communication, Culture, Mediated Communication, and various types of relationships (e.g., family, professional, etc.). It's logical and familiar organization makes it easy to navigate and integrate with standard introducation to communication courses.

Very few issues with distortion of images or overlap in page elements or formatting inconsistencies.

No obvious grammatical errors were detected. The writing style is accessible and easy to read.

Authors clearly took steps to be inclusive and draw attention to issues of equity with regard to gender identity, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, religion, political identity, and other groups (for examples, see sections on dating scripts, post-modern friendships, racist language, cross-group friendships). I would recommend future revisions include information about African American Vernacular English (AAVE) possible under a section about culture, dialects, or accents, given its direct relevance to communication.

I plan on replacing the textbook for my Interpersonal Communication course with this textbook. In most respects, it is equivalent to the textbook that is currently required. However, it also is an improvement on the current textbook in terms of the density of research citations and in the supplemental material. Instructors of introductory communication courses can feel confident in adopting this textbook to reduce costs, lower educational barriers, without sacrificing educational rigor and quality.

Reviewed by Jennifer Burns, Adjunct Faculty, Middlesex Community College on 3/13/21

Interpersonal Communication: A Mindful Approach to Relationships, provides an in-depth understanding to the variables that comprise interpersonal communication, I especially appreciate the mindful (know thyself) lens!! read more

Interpersonal Communication: A Mindful Approach to Relationships, provides an in-depth understanding to the variables that comprise interpersonal communication, I especially appreciate the mindful (know thyself) lens!!

After examining the context and student workbook, I was impressed with the content accuracy. I did not pick up on saturation of bias and or stigmatizing language.

Yes, content is up-to-date, and it is encouraged to contact the author with needed updates, and or changes. It is also encouraged to personalize the book to fit the needs of the students!

This textbook is clear, concise and to the point!

The framework and theory are woven throughout the text.

The text is divided into digestible sections, that allow for independent assignment of course material. The formatting is easy on the eyes!

Love the text organization, the content is clear, logical and sequential!

You do need an access code from author to obtain access to the teacher resources.

Did not notice grammatical errors.

I did not perceive this text to be culturally insensitive.

Reviewed by Jessica Martin, Adjunct Instructor, Communication Studies, Portland Community College on 1/5/21

This book presents a comprehensive breakdown of the major types of interpersonal communication. The chapters included in this course text align with the traditional content in an interpersonal communication course. I like how it also includes a... read more

This book presents a comprehensive breakdown of the major types of interpersonal communication. The chapters included in this course text align with the traditional content in an interpersonal communication course. I like how it also includes a chapter focused on mediated communication, as this is an important topic of discussion for our current day and age.

Consistent sources are cited throughout the course text at the end of each chapter, proving its accuracy . The sources appear to be non-bias and overall boost the credibility of the text.

Being that the text includes a chapter primarily focused on mediated communication, I would say that the text is up to date and contains adequate information to support relevancy.

The text is written in a straightforward, simplistic type of manner. This would make it easy for any college student to follow along with the content and keep up with the terminology. Any time a new term is introduced, plenty of examples are given to explain that term. This same format is followed consistently throughout the course text.

Each chapter begins with clear learning outcomes, follows with consistent sub-headers and clear introductions to new terminology. I also noted how each chapters includes exercises to help students further understand course content.

Each chapter is clearly divided up into specific sections to help with lesson planning and overall lecturing materials. This would make it easy to create lecture material for the course.

The text is organized effectively in that there are clear transitions from one topic to another. As mentioned previously, each chapter begins with clear learning objectives, and concludes with exercises, key-takeaways, and a list of key terms.

I would say that overall this course text is easy to navigate. Plenty of charts, tables, and photographs are consistently used to help introduce new ideas and key theories.

I did not note any grammatical errors.

The text includes a chapter titled "Culture and Environmental Factors in Interpersonal Communication," which includes all of the necessary key terms that you would hope to see in an interpersonal communication course.

Reviewed by Prachi Kene, Professor, Rhode Island College on 10/22/20

This book presents a comprehensive overview of the different aspects, types, and models of communication. Further topics of discussion include verbal and non-verbal elements of communication, impact of communication on a variety of relationships... read more

This book presents a comprehensive overview of the different aspects, types, and models of communication. Further topics of discussion include verbal and non-verbal elements of communication, impact of communication on a variety of relationships (friendships, family, marriage, dating, siblings, coworkers, etc.), mediated communication, and conflict. The book concludes with an exploration of "the dark side of communication." Key concepts discussed throughout the book are listed in the glossary.

The content of the book is informed by advances in the fields of communication and psychology. These sources are acknowledged throughout the content and cited in the references section at the end of each chapter. Information is discussed in an unbiased manner.

The content is up-to-date and includes information about communication and technology. Given the clear organization of the text, it will be amenable to modifications as the impact of technology on communication continues to evolve.

This text is easy to read and follow due to the clear organization and clarity of expression. Exercises and key take aways following each section make the content easy to understand and remember.

The content of this text is consistent and free of contradictions. Multiple perspectives to view and understand concepts are presented in a cogent manner.

Each chapter is divided into smaller and coherent sections that will easily align to lesson planning, creation of lecture materials, and graded tasks/assignments.

This text is well-organized and smoothly transitions from one topic to another. Specifically, each section begins with learning objectives and concludes with exercises and "key takeaways." Chapters are followed by a list of key terms, "real world case study," and quiz that makes the concepts meaningful to the reader.

This book is easy to navigate. Tables, figures, and pictures are used effectively to emphasize the key concepts and ideas. However, occasionally a table spans across multiple pages.

This text does not contain grammatical errors.

The text acknowledges the role of culture in communication and contains a chapter titled, "Cultural and Environmental Factors in Interpersonal Communication." Impact of culture on communication is also infused into other chapters.

Table of Contents

• Chapter 1: Introduction to Human Communication
• Chapter 2: Overview of Interpersonal Communication
• Chapter 3: Intrapersonal Communication
• Chapter 4: Verbal Elements of Communication
• Chapter 5: Nonverbal Communication
• Chapter 6: Cultural and Environmental Factors in Interpersonal Communication
• Chapter 7: Talking and Listening
• Chapter 8: Building and Maintaining Relationships
• Chapter 9: Conflict in Relationship
• Chapter 10: Friendship Relationships
• Chapter 11: Family & Marriage Relationships
• Chapter 12: Interpersonal Communication in Mediated Contexts
• Chapter 13: Interpersonal Relationships at Work
• Chapter 14: The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication

Ancillary Material

• Instructor Manual
• Lecture Slide Deck

About the Book

Interpersonal Communication: A Mindful Approach to Relationships  helps readers examine their own one-on-one communicative interactions using a mindfulness lens. The writing team of Jason S. Wrench, Narissra M. Punyanunt-Carter, and Katherine Thweatt incorporates the latest communication theory and research to help students navigate everyday interpersonal interactions. The 14 chapters in this book cover topics typically taught in an undergraduate interpersonal communication course: family interactions, interpersonal dynamics, language, listening, nonverbal communication, and romantic relationships, as well as exploring emerging areas such as self-compassion, body positivity, friendships, and “the dark side”. The writing takes on a purposefully informal tone to engage readers. Each chapter is broken into different sections that have unique instructional outcomes, key takeaways, and exercises, and concludes with real-world case studies and sample quiz questions. Also included is  an extensive glossary with over 350 definitions.

About the Contributors

Jason S. Wrench (Ed.D., West Virginia University) is a professor in the Department of Communication at the State University of New York at New Paltz. Dr. Wrench specializes in workplace learning and performance, or the intersection of instructional communication and organizational communication. His varied research interests include workplace learning and human performance improvement, computer-mediated communication, interpersonal communication, empirical research methods, family communication, humor, risk/crisis communication, and supervisor-subordinate interactions. Dr. Wrench regularly consults with individuals and organizations on workplace communication and as a professional speech coach for senior executives.

Narissra M. Punyanunt-Carter (Ph.D., Kent State University) is a professor in the Department of Communication and assistant dean of international affairs for the College of Media and Communication. She is also an associate professor of Communication Studies at Texas Tech University in Lubbock, Texas. She teaches the basic interpersonal communication course. Her research areas include mass media effects, father-daughter communication, mentoring, advisor-advisee relationships, family studies, religious communication, humor, and interpersonal communication. She has published over 70 articles that have appeared in several peer-reviewed journals, such as  Communication Research Reports, Southern Journal of Communication , and  Journal of Intercultural Communication Research . She has also published numerous instructional ancillaries and materials. She is also a coauthor of  Organizational communication: Theory, Research, and Practice  (2014, Flat World Knowledge). Dr. Punyanunt coedited  The Impact of Social Media in Modern Romantic Relationship  (2017, Lexington).

Katherine S. Thweatt (Ed.D, West Virginia University) is an associate professor at the State University of New York at Oswego. Dr. Thweatt’s areas of interest are interpersonal communication, instructional communication, and health communication. She has published in the areas of teasing, teacher immediacy and misbehaviors, cognitive flexibility, and healthcare research. Healthcare publications involved shared medical appointments, heart failure, and infectious disease.

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Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships

A   lot of media attention has been devoted to the idea that women and men communicate very differently—in fact, it is sometimes stated that women and men communicate so differently from one another that they must come from different planets! Although at times differences in women's and men's communication styles seem to be constant and overwhelming, they are really quite minor. For example, both women and men can be nurturing, aggressive, task-focused, or sentimental. What is important to think about, however, is that women and men sometimes perceive the same messages to have different meanings. In fact, it may be as a result of the differences in message interpretation that the “battle of the sexes” occurs.

Studies indicate that women, to a greater extent than men, are sensitive to the interpersonal meanings that lie “between the lines” in the messages they exchange with their mates. That is, societal expectations often make women responsible for regulating intimacy, or how close they allow others to come. For that reason, it is argued that women pay more attention than men to the underlying meanings about intimacy that messages imply. Men on the other hand, to a greater extent than women, are more sensitive to “between the lines meanings” about status. For men, societal expectations are that they must negotiate hierarchy, or who's the captain and who's the crew (Tannen, 1990; Wood, 2009).

These differences in emphasis on interpersonal vs. status implications of messages typically lead women to expect relationships to be based on interdependence (mutual dependence) and cooperation. Women more frequently emphasize the similarities between themselves and others, and try to make decisions that make everyone happy. In contrast, it is more typical for men to expect relationships to be based on independence and competition. Men more frequently emphasize the differences between themselves and others, and often make decisions based on their personal needs or desires.

How are these differences seen in marriage? In the ways women and men communicate! Women tend to be the relationship specialists and men tend to be task specialists. Women are typically the experts in “rapport talk” which refers to the types of communication that build, maintain, and strengthen relationships. Rapport talk reflects skills of talking, nurturing, emotional expression, empathy, and support. Men are typically the experts in task accomplishment and addressing questions about facts. They are experts in “report talk,” which refers to the types of communication that analyzes issues and solves problems. Report talk reflects skills of being competitive, lacking sentimentality, analyzing, and focusing aggressively on task accomplishment.

These differences can create specific, and commonly experienced, misunderstandings. Here are three examples:

Misunderstanding #1

He: I'm really tired. I have so much work to do—I don't know how I'm going to get it done!

She: Me, too. There just aren't enough hours in the day!

He: There you go again! You never think my contributions to this marriage are good enough!

In this conversation, she is trying to communicate something like “We're partners and share similar experiences.” Her intended “between the lines” message is: “I understand what you're going through; you're not alone.” The “between the lines” message he hears emphasizes competition for status: “What are you complaining about? You aren't any better than I am!” or “Your contributions to our marriage aren't any more significant than mine!”

Misunderstanding #2

She: I'm really tired. I have so much work to do—I don't know how I'm going to get it done!

He: Why don't you take a day off and rest, if you're so tired?

She: (sarcastically) Thanks a lot! You think my contribution to this household is so trivial that I can do nothing and the difference won't even be noticed?

Here, he is trying to communicate something like “Oh, you need advice and analysis? I'll focus on the details and facts, and offer a solution.” His intended “between the lines” message is: “I will help you solve your problem because I think I know something that might help.” The “between the lines” message she hears him saying: “I don't want to understand your feelings; I'm different from you and I know what you should do.”

The problems here result from some subtle differences in the ways that women and men approach problems. Women sometimes deal with problems (especially emotional concerns) by talking about them, sharing their feelings, and matching experiences with others. This can be frustrating to men, who more typically deal with problems by focusing on the facts and seeking an immediate solution. Occasionally, men perceive women to be ungrateful for the advice and solutions they offer and ponder in frustration why women don't want to resolve their problems! Similarly, when men offer a solution, rather than talking about a problem, women may feel hurt, dissatisfied, and put-down by the lack of empathy men show.

Misunderstanding #3

She: Call me when you get there and let me know you made it safely.

He: That's ridiculous! Nothing bad is going to happen, so just trust that I'll get there safely! If something bad does happen, I'm sure you'll hear about it!

In this final example, she is trying to communicate something like, “We're connected and I care about you and your safety.” Her intended “between the lines" message is: “You are loved and important to me.” The “between the lines” message he hears her saying is: “You had better check in with me! I want to know where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing at all times.”

The misunderstandings in these examples probably result from differences in the ways that women and men show affection. It is more common for women to show affection through talking, but it is more common for men to show affection by doing things—either doing things together or doing separate things within the same physical space. Sometimes not talking—not having to talk—is a sign of trust and intimacy for men.

What Does All This Mean to Us?

Understanding differences is the key to working them out. When we misunderstand one another, we often think that the other's motives are not reasonable, are mean spirited, or worse! But by knowing that women and men sometimes see—and hear!—things through different filters, we can begin to share with one another the distortions we experience, and thereby find our way to clarity.

So, the next time you feel surprised, disappointed, or angry with someone's response to something you have said, ask yourself if he or she may have “misheard” you. Is the other responding to your problems with a solution, when you wanted to receive sympathy? Is the other responding to your message of affection with a message of status? If so, you will be able to help the other to understand the source of your miscommunication, and avoid the hurt feelings and conflicts that sometimes follow.

Tannen, Deborah. 1990. You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation . New York: Ballantine Books.

Wood, Julia T. 2009. Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender, and Culture, 8th Edition. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing. 

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Why Communication In Relationships Is So Important

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What Kind of Communicator Are You?

• Why Communication Matters
• Limitations
• Characteristics
• Communication Problems
• Improve Your Communication

When to Get Help

Communication is vital for healthy relationships . Being able to talk openly and honestly with the people in your life allows you to share, learn, respond, and forge lasting bonds. This is a vital part of any relationship, including those with friends and family, but it can be particularly important in romantic relationships. 

At a Glance

While all relationships are different and each one has its own ups and downs, being able to talk to your partner means that you'll be able to share your worries, show support for one another, and work together to handle conflict more effectively.

If the communication in your relationship is lacking, you can strengthen it by being present in your conversations, focusing on your relationship, and really listening to what your partner has to say.

Our fast and free communication styles quiz can help give you some insight into how you interact with others and what it could mean for your interpersonal relationships, both at work and at home.

Benefits of Communication in Relationships

According to Dr. John Gottman, a clinical psychologist and founder of the Gottman Institute, a couple's communication pattern can often predict how successful a relationship will be. Good communication can help enhance your relationship in a variety of ways:

Less Rumination

Communication in relationships can minimize rumination . Instead of stewing over negative feelings, good communication allows people to discuss their concerns and resolve them in a more positive, effective way.

Greater Intimacy

Good communication in relationships also fosters intimacy. Forming a close emotional connection with another person requires a mutual give-and-take when it comes to sharing things about yourself and listening to the other person.

This reciprocal self-disclosure means talking about your experiences, beliefs, values, opinions, and expectations. In order to do this, you both need to possess communication skills that foster this connection and allow it to grow and deepen with time. 

Less Conflict

Communication in relationships reduces and resolves conflict. Every relationship is bound to experience conflict from time to time.

When you are able to talk about your problems in an open and honest way, however, you can resolve arguments and disagreements more readily.

Rather than getting caught up in a cycle of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional strife, you can address your problems and take steps to improve your relationship .

Communication Doesn't Solve Everything

While the common assumption has long been that if you want to improve your relationship, you should start by improving your communication, some research has suggested that the answer might not be so simple. 

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that while there is certainly a connection between communication and relationship satisfaction, good communication alone doesn't definitively predict how happy you'll be in your relationships.

Other Factors Play a Role

Other factors—including how much interaction a couple has, the personality characteristics of each partner, and stress—all play a part in determining how satisfied people feel in their relationship.

Another study found that positive communication did not have a strong connection with relationship satisfaction over time. However, couples that reported less negative communication than usual and reported feeling more satisfied with their relationship than they usually did.

So while research suggests that communicating well isn't a guarantee for a happy relationship, there is plenty of research indicating that good communication skills enhance relationships and well-being in a number of ways.

Effective communication is one way to foster a positive, supportive relationship with your partner.

When you actively listen and respond to your partner (and they do the same for you), both of you are more likely to feel valued and cared for. 

For example, one study found that when people feel that their partner values them, they are more likely to sleep better. And ultimately, feeling more valued, positive, and happy in your relationships can have a beneficial impact on your overall well-being. 

Communication is just one part of a good relationship. Research suggests that people who are happy in their relationships are more likely to communicate well with one another. 

Signs of Great Communication in Relationships

So what do experts mean when they talk about "good communication?" Are you and your partner both on the same page or are there signs that might indicate a problem in how you relate to one another? 

First, it is important to think about what we mean by communication. On the surface, it involves the words that people use to convey information to one another.

But it can also involve other ways of transmitting information including tone of voice, body language , and other forms of nonverbal communication . In many cases, what you don’t say can mean just as much if not more than what you do say.

Some of the hallmarks of effective communication in relationships include:

• Active listening : Active listening involves being engaged in the conversation, listening attentively, and reflecting back on what people have said. It also involves asking for clarification when needed and avoiding making judgments. 
• Not personalizing issues : When communicating in relationships, people who are good at it avoid personalizing their partner's actions. Instead, they focus on the situation and how things can be resolved.
• Using "I feel" statements : I-statements can be helpful in interpersonal conflicts. Instead of saying, "You never clean up after yourself," try using an I-statement like, "I feel uncomfortable when there is clutter accumulating around the house."
• Kindness : Kindness is important because it makes people feel cared for and understood.
• Being present : When talking with your partner, it is important to be fully present in the moment . Getting distracted by outside sources–including electronic distractions such as your phone–can lead to a lack of communication and a poor connection.
• Showing acceptance : Healthy communication is about accepting and validating the other person , even if you might not agree with them. When you communicate well with your partner, you’re able to recognize that people have a right to feel their feelings even if those emotions and reactions are different from your own.

Communicating well in relationships involves actively listening, avoiding judgments, and practicing kindness instead of trying to win the argument.

Signs of Poor Communication in Relationships

Some signs that your relationship is being negatively affected by communication problems include:

• Assuming that you know what your partner thinks or feels
• Constantly criticizing one another
• Engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors
• Feeling like you can't really talk to your partner
• Getting defensive when your partner tries to talk to you
• Giving each other the silent treatment
• Having the same arguments over and over without reaching a resolution
• Refusing to compromise or listen to the other person's perspective
• Stonewalling in order to avoid problems or conversations

It is also important to learn to recognize some of the more subtle signs of poor communication. This can include avoiding arguments for the sake of keeping the peace.

If you never disagree, it means that one of you is hiding what you really feel or think just to avoid a fight. This deprives you both of experiencing authentic, open, and honest discussions.

Withholding issues can be another common communication problem in relationships. Instead of having tough conversations with your partner, you might avoid the issue and then end up dumping all of your anger, irritation, worries, or problems on the other people in your life. 

For example, when you don’t tell your partner you are upset, you might end up ranting to your friend about your frustrations. While this might provide you with an emotional outlet, it doesn’t do anything to resolve the problem. And it might result in passive-aggressive actions designed to "punish" your partner for not being able to read your mind.

Criticisms, defensiveness, silence, and feeling misunderstood are just a few signs of communication problems in a relationship. And a lack of arguing isn't necessarily a sign that you're communicating well. Instead, it may mean you are holding back in order to avoid conflict.

5 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

If you think that poor communication is having a negative impact on your relationship, there are strategies that can help you improve your connection.

Consider Your Attachment Style

Think about how your attachment style might affect your communication patterns. Attachment styles are your characteristic patterns of behavior in relationships. Your early attachment style, which emerges in childhood based on relationships with caregivers, can continue to affect how you behave and respond in adult romantic relationships.

If you have an insecure attachment style , you may be more likely to engage in communication patterns that can be seen as anxious or avoidant. Recognizing how your attachment style affects how you interact with your partner (and how your partner's style affects how they interact with you) can give you clues into what you might need to work on.

If you or your partner have an insecure attachment style, it can have an impact on how you communicate and interact with your partner. Knowing your style and being aware of how it may manifest as anxious or avoidant behavior can help you find ways to overcome less effective communication patterns.

Be Fully Present

In order to make sure that both of you are listening and understanding, minimize distractions and focus on being fully present when you are communicating. This might involve setting aside time each day to really focus on one another and talk about the events of the day and any concerns you may have. 

Limiting your device use at certain times of day, such as during meals or at bedtime, can be a great way to focus on your partner without having your attention pulled in different directions.

Use "I" Statements

Sometimes the way that you talk to each other can play a major role in communication problems. If you are both focusing on arguing facts without talking about feelings, arguments can quickly turn into debates over who is "right" or who gets the last word.

Examples of "I" Statements

"I" statements are focused on what you are feeling instead of your partner’s behavior. For example, instead of saying, "You are never on time," you might say "I get worried when you don’t arrive on time."

Using this type of statement can help conversations seem less accusatory or blaming and instead help you and your partner focus on the emotions behind some of the issues you are concerned about.

Avoid Negative Communication Patterns

When you are tempted to engage in behavior like ignoring your partner, using passive-aggressive actions, or yelling, consider how your actions will negatively affect your relationship.

It isn’t always easy to change these patterns, since many of them formed in childhood, but becoming more aware of them can help you start to replace these destructive behaviors with healthier, more positive habits.

Focus on Your Relationship

While good communication is important, research suggests that it is just one of many factors that impact the success, duration, and satisfaction in relationships. 

In fact, research seems to suggest that your satisfaction with your relationship might predict how well you and your partner communicate.

The more satisfied people are in their relationship, the more likely they are to openly talk about their thoughts, feelings, concerns, and problems with one another.

If you want to improve your communication, focusing on improving your relationship overall can play an important role.

There are many steps you can take to improve the communication in your relationship on your own, but there may be times that you feel like professional help might be needed. Couples therapy can be a great way to address communication problems that might be holding your relationship back. 

A therapist can help identify unhelpful communication patterns, develop new coping techniques, and practice talking to one another in more effective ways. They can also address any underlying resentments or other mental health issues that might be having a detrimental impact on your relationship.

Keep in Mind

Effective communication in a relationship allows people to tell other people what they need and to respond to what their partner needs. It allows people to feel understood, validated, and connected to another person. 

Always remember that the goal of communicating is to understand one another. It isn't about sweeping problems under the rug in order to prevent all conflict. Instead, focus on listening to understand and responding with empathy and care. If you and your partner are struggling with communication issues, consider talking to a therapist for advice and tips on how to cope.

Gottman J, Silver N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work . New York, NY: Crown Publishers; 1999.

Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN. Does couples’ communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication?: couple communication and marital satisfaction . Journal of Marriage and Family . 2016;78(3):680-694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301

Johnson MD, Lavner JA, Mund M, et al. Within-couple associations between communication and relationship satisfaction over time .  Pers Soc Psychol Bull . 2022;48(4):534-549. doi:10.1177/01461672211016920

Selcuk E, Stanton SCE, Slatcher RB, Ong AD. Perceived partner responsiveness predicts better sleep quality through lower anxiety . Social Psychological and Personality Science . 2017;8(1):83-92. doi:10.1177/1948550616662128

Rogers SL, Howieson J, Neame C. I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict .  PeerJ . 2018;6:e4831. doi:10.7717/peerj.4831

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."