college essay about dad leaving

"My Father's Passing"

University of Michigan

2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

250 - 650 words

Why This Essay Works:

• Navigates Tragedy Gracefully : Writing about a tragedy like a loss of a parent is a tricky topic for college essays. Many students feel obligated to choose that topic if it applies to them, but it can be challenging to not come across as trying to garner sympathy ("sob story"). This student does a graceful job of focusing on positive elements from their father's legacy, particularly the inspiration they draw from him.
• Compelling Motivations : This student does a great job of connecting their educational and career aspirations to their background. Admissions officers want to understand why you're pursing what you are, and by explaining the origin of your interests, you can have compelling and genuine reasons why.

What They Might Change:

• Write Only From Your Perspective : In this essay, the student writes from their hypothetical perspective as an infant. This doesn't quite work because they likely wouldn't remember these moments ("I have no conscious memories of him"), but still writes as though they do. By writing about things you haven't seen or experienced yourself, it can come across as "made up" or inauthentic.

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College Essay: My Parents’ Sacrifice Makes Me Strong

After living in Texas briefly, my mom moved in with my aunt in Minnesota, where she helped raise my cousins while my aunt and uncle worked. My mom still glances to the building where she first lived. I think it’s amazing how she first moved here, she lived in a small apartment and now owns a house. 

My dad’s family was poor. He dropped out of elementary school to work. My dad was the only son my grandpa had. My dad thought he was responsible to help his family out, so he decided to leave for Minnesota   because  of  many  work opportunities .   

My parents met working in cleaning at the IDS  C enter during night shifts. I am their only child, and their main priority was not leaving me alone while they worked. My mom left her cleaning job to work mornings at a warehouse. My dad continued his job in cleaning at night.   

My dad would get me ready for school and walked me to the bus stop while waiting in the cold. When I arrived home from school, my dad had dinner prepared and the house cleaned. I would eat with him at the table while watching TV, but he left after to pick up my mom from work.   

My mom would get home in the afternoon. Most memories of my mom are watching her lying down on the couch watching her  n ovelas  –  S panish soap operas  – a nd falling asleep in the living room. I knew her job was physically tiring, so I didn’t bother her.  

Seeing my parents work hard and challenge Mexican customs influence my values today as a person. As a child, my dad cooked and cleaned, to help out my mom, which is rare in Mexican culture. Conservative Mexicans believe men are superior to women; women are seen as housewives who cook, clean and obey their husbands. My parents constantly tell me I should get an education to never depend on a man. My family challenged  machismo , Mexican sexism, by creating their own values and future.  

My parents encouraged me to, “ ponte  las  pilas ” in school, which translates to “put on your batteries” in English. It means that I should put in effort and work into achieving my goal. I was taught that school is the key object in life. I stay up late to complete all my homework assignments, because of this I miss a good amount of sleep, but I’m willing to put in effort to have good grades that will benefit me. I have softball practice right after school, so I try to do nearly all of my homework ahead of time, so I won’t end up behind.  

My parents taught me to set high standards for myself. My school operates on a 4.0-scale. During lunch, my friends talked joyfully about earning a 3.25 on a test. When I earn less than a 4.25, I feel disappointed. My friends reacted with, “You should be happy. You’re extra . ” Hearing that phrase flashbacks to my parents seeing my grades. My mom would pressure me to do better when I don’t earn all 4.0s  

Every once in  awhile , I struggled with following their value of education. It can be difficult to balance school, sports and life. My parents think I’m too young to complain about life. They don’t think I’m tired, because I don’t physically work, but don’t understand that I’m mentally tired and stressed out. It’s hard for them to understand this because they didn’t have the experience of going to school.   

The way I could thank my parents for their sacrifice is accomplishing their American dream by going to college and graduating to have a professional career. I visualize the day I graduate college with my degree, so my  family  celebrates by having a carne  asada (BBQ) in the yard. All my friends, relatives, and family friends would be there to congratulate me on my accomplishments.  

As teenagers, my parents worked hard manual labor jobs to be able to provide for themselves and their family. Both of them woke up early in the morning to head to work. Staying up late to earn extra cash. As teenagers, my parents tried going to school here in the U.S .  but weren’t able to, so they continued to work. Early in the morning now, my dad arrives home from work at 2:30 a.m .,  wakes up to drop me off at school around 7:30 a.m . , so I can focus on studying hard to earn good grades. My parents want me to stay in school and not prefer work to  head on their  same path as them. Their struggle influences me to have a good work ethic in school and go against the odds.  

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Rob Lowe on sending his son off to college. 

Photo courtesy of Rob Lowe

With many parents of high school seniors prepare to send their kids off to college in the fall, Slate wanted to share one father’s experience of coming to terms with this next chapter in parenthood. That father just happens to be Rob Lowe. The following is adapted from Lowe’s memoir, Love Life , published by Simon & Schuster in April.

I’m trying to remember when I felt like this before. Like an el­ephant is sitting on my chest, like my throat is so tight and constricted that I can feel its tendons, like my eyes are 100 percent water, spilling out at will, down pathways on my face that have been dry for as long as I can think of. I’m trying to remember: When was the last time my heart was breaking?

The death of my mother was one time, but her passing was pro­longed enough to let me prepare for it, to the extent anyone can. At the most intense moment, sitting at her gravesite, I felt like I could hear every leaf blower in a 50-mile radius, felt as if I could feel the sun’s rays turning my skin darker shades with each second, my skin irritated and jumpy, making me want to crawl out of it. I’m feeling it all now again, but no one has died.

When I was a boy, I had to leave my friends in the summer, just as Malibu was becoming Malibu, say goodbye to my first girlfriend and go to Ohio to stay with my dad. There is a little of that sense memory at play too, a feeling that I’m about to be left out of important events, separated from life as I know it, the world as I love it.

I am remembering and feeling the details of my parents’ divorce and our family’s forced march out of my home to an alien world across the country. The goodbyes to my father and my beloved grandparents; rationally I knew I would see them all again, but now I have the same body-deadening weight of the condemned, counting the minutes until the final moments of a life that’s all I’ve ever known. This encompass­ing, exhausting sadness I had mostly forgotten, or buried, until now.

Today is my son Matthew’s last night home before college.

I have been emotionally blindsided. I know that this is a rite many have been through, that this is nothing unique. I know that this is all good news; my son will go to a great school, something we as a family have worked hard at for many years. I know that this is his finest hour. But looking at his suitcases on his bed, his New England Patriots post­ers on the wall, and his dog watching him pack, sends me out of the room to a hidden corner where I can’t stop crying.

Through the grief I feel a rising embarrassment. “Jesus Christ, pull yourself together, man!” I tell myself. There are parents sending their kids off to battle zones, or putting them into rehabs and many other more legitimately emotional situations, all over our country. How dare I feel so shattered? What the hell is going on?

One of the great gifts of my life has been having my two boys and, through them, exploring the mysterious, complicated and charged relationship between fathers and sons. As I try to raise them, I discover the depth and currents of not only our relationship but ones already downstream, the love and loss that flowed between my father and me and how that bond is so powerful.

After my parents’ divorce, when I was 4, I spent weekends with my dad, before we finally moved to California. By the time Sunday rolled around, I was incapable of enjoying the day’s activities, of being in the moment, because I was already dreading the inevitable good­bye of Sunday evening. Trips to the mall, miniature golf, or movies had me in a foggy, lump-throated daze long before my dad would drop me home and drive away.

Now, standing among the accumulation of the life of a little boy he no longer is, I look at my own young doppelgänger and realize: it’s me who has become a boy again. All my heavy-chested sadness, loss and longing to hold on to things as they used to be are back, sweeping over me as they did when I was a child.

In front of Matthew I’m doing some of the best acting of my ca­reer. I’ve said before that the common perception that all good actors should be good liars is exactly the opposite; only bad actors lie when they act. But now I’m using the tricks of every hack and presenting a dishonest front to my son and wife. To my surprise, it appears to be working. I smile like a jack-o’-lantern and affect a breezy, casual man­ner. Positive sentences only and nothing but enthusiasm framing my answers to Matthew’s questions.

“Do you think it’s cold in the dorms in the winter?” he asks in a voice that seems smaller than it was just days ago.

“Naah!” I lie, having no idea what his new room for the next four years will be like.

This line of questioning is irrelevant anyway, as my wife Sheryl is pre­paring for any possible scenario, as is her genius. We all have our strengths; among hers is the ability to put anything a human being could possibly need in a suitcase. Or box. Or FedEx container. She is channeling her extraordinary love and loss into a beautiful display of preparing her son for his travels. And in the end, Arctic explorers will travel lighter.

Matthew’s dog, Buster, watches me watching Matthew as he sorts through his winter jackets. I am one of those people who believe dogs can actually smile, and now I can expand that belief to include an ability to look incredulous as well. Buster seems to be the only mem­ber of our family to see what a wreck I am, and he is having none of it.

“You disgust me,” he seems to say, looking at me with his choco­late eyes. “Get a backbone, man!”

The clothes are off the bed and zipped into the bags. The bed is tidy and spare; it already has the feel of a guest bed, which, I realize to my horror, it will become. I replay wrapping him in his favorite blan­ket like a burrito. This was our nightly ritual until the night he said in an offhanded way, “Daddy, I don’t think I need blanky tonight.” (And I thought that was a tough evening!)

I think of all the times we lay among the covers reading, first me to him, Goodnight Moon and The Giving Tree , and later him to me: my lines from The West Wing or a movie I was shooting. The countless hours of the History Channel and Deadliest Catch ; the quiet sanctu­ary where I could sneak in and grab some shut-eye with him when I had an early call time on set, while the rest of the house was still bustling. I look at the bed and think of all the recent times when I was annoyed at how late he was sleeping. I’ll never have to worry about that again, I realize. I make up an excuse to leave the room and head to my secret corner.

For his part, Matthew has been a rock. He is naturally very even-keeled, rarely emotional; he is a logical, tough pragmatist. He would have made a great Spartan. True to form, he is treating his impend­ing departure as just another day at the office. And I’m glad. After all, someone’s gotta be strong about this.

Our youngest, Johnowen, will be staying behind and returning to high school, and now it’s time for them to say goodbye. I’ve been worried about how Johnowen will handle the departure of his big brother. Only two years apart, they share most of the same friends, which is to say that Johnny hangs with all the older boys who are also leaving home. My sons are very close in that vaguely annoyed constant companionship that brothers can share (if they are lucky).

Now what will happen to their NFL rivalry and smack talk? The nightly ear-splitting deconstructing of Scandinavian dubstep EDM? The incessant wrangling about what guys and what girls are coming by and when? Life is breaking up the team that kept me in loving consternation until all hours of the morning and throughout those never-ending summer nights.

I am a boy again as I wonder: What will become of my two closest friends?

In the driveway Matthew gives Johnowen a laconic high-five. “Peace,” he says, clearly going out of his way to avoid any emotion or drama. Johnowen, whose passion runs just barely under the surface, is a little taken aback. He looks at me, sad and bemused, and I know what he is thinking: “That’s my brother! A cool cucumber till the end.” He watches Matthew hop into the car for the ride to the airport.

Of the many horrors of divorce, the most egregious is that it robs a kid of the best of both worlds. Dads can do many things that even the best moms can’t, and vice versa. I’ve always been fascinated by whom my kids come to and for what purpose, whether they are drawn to Sheryl or to me, and I’ve noted that it always surprises me which one of us they need for comfort or advice and when.

On the plane, we have two seats together and one apart. Matthew chooses to sit with Sheryl and I see how happy it makes her. Then on go the headphones and not a word is shared for most of the flight. Sheryl and I look at each other and smile. “Teenagers.”

An amber, evening light fills the cabin as we flee the setting sun, heading east. I’ve taken a break from reading and am staring at my boy. The light from his window is cutting across his face, accentuat­ing his cheekbones and strong jawline, making him look unbearably handsome and grown-up. He might as well be a young businessman headed to a meeting.

His favorite headphones are on and he is reading, so I can con­sider him in freedom, without his awareness. I remember the first time I laid eyes on him in the delivery room. “He’s blond!” was my first thought. And I remember what I whispered to him when his eyes opened for the first time in his life as he peered in my face, and (I am convinced) into my soul. “Hello, I’m your daddy. And I will always be there for you.”

Sheryl has looked up from her iPad and mouths to me, “Are you okay?” I want to be, for her; I don’t need her worrying about anything other than the logistics ahead, and I certainly don’t want to draw any attention on the plane. But something about her face and the way she is looking at me, while I am looking at him, pulls the rug out again and I avert my eyes from her, from him; my sunglasses go on and I open up a newspaper, covering my entire face and anything that anyone might see, like a bad version of Maxwell Smart hiding from a KAOS agent. I am amazed that so much water can come out of the eyes of someone who dehydrates himself with so much caffeine.

Just as we land, I take one more peek at Matthew. If he has any emotion about any of this, he is not showing it. I’m proud that he is charging into this chapter that opens the narrative of his adult life with such confidence. And I sneak another peek at Sheryl and allow myself to think, “All of this is exactly as it needs to be.”

It’s move-in day. We drive onto the historic, grand, and beautifully intimidating campus with our rental car packed with Matthew’s belongings. Stuck in a nonmoving lineup of cars filled with other par­ents in the same emotional boat, I am cursed again with idle time to contemplate the day ahead of me. But today, for the first time, the overpowering melancholy is gone, the bittersweet nostalgia too, replaced by an envious, excited adrenaline. To be at the true begin­ning! To be moments away from meeting strangers, some of whom will be in, and change, the course of your life forever! To have the opportunity an elite university provides to be able to discover yourself, your true adult self, away from any of the tentacles of childhood! I feel the gooseflesh rising from my arms.

I didn’t go to college. At 17, I left home to go on location for my first movie. The first private space of my own wasn’t a dorm room; it was a hotel room in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I didn’t have to navigate a brand-new, totally foreign ecosystem of fellow students and faculty; I was thrown unceremoniously into a strange group of actors and crewmembers. And I had the knowledge that for good or bad, it would all be over in three months, not four years. Now, for the first time that I can think of, I have no personal life experience to draw from to guide my son. My first and only college experience will be through him.

Unloading in front of the Gothic-style dorm, the welcoming upperclassmen do crazy, exuberant dances and grab boxes to help. These are the RAs of the dorm, the first bit of much new collegiate vocabulary I will learn along with my son.

He and I leave Sheryl to do her masterwork in his corner, hard­wood-floored room. She will handle the important groundwork of his comfort for the next year. I will handle other issues: finding the best pizza, finding a gym where he can continue jujitsu, the purchase of a bicycle and where to stash it. Sheryl’s immaculate and detailed reno­vation is an OCD and maternal-love-fueled epic poem of logistics and labor, so Matthew and I have plenty of time to explore and just spend time together.

I’m surprised at how little we say to each other, and how good that feels. There is nothing we are withholding and I know that our “being current” with each other, as the shrinks would say, is a result of years spent in each other’s company. Not just dinner or good-nights or drop-offs; it’s time coaching his teams, being in the stands, on fishing boats, in the water surfing or diving, watching stupid television, being home on nights when he is with his friends and talking smack with them, standing up to and getting in the face of teachers, parents, other kids or anyone who so much as thought about treating him badly.

We put in the time together; we built this thing we have of com­fort and love. And now, as we both prepare to let go of each other, it is paying off. That evening, even though his dorm room is ready he says, “Dad, I think I’ll just stay with you and Mom tonight.” I catch Sheryl’s eye; this time, it’s hers that are moist.

The next morning, after all of the freshmen file out of the massive and imposing chapel after convocation, Matthew shows his first signs of uncertainty. The president’s speech was an ode to the incoming achievers, “the most highly accomplished” class ever accepted in “the most competitive year” in the school’s history. It took this elegant cer­emony, in a setting both beautiful and intimidating, among a sea of strangers, some of the best kids our country has to offer, for Matthew to realize the stakes. He did it. This is real. He is here. This is happening.

“Dad, what if it’s too hard for me here?” he asks me later, sitting on his fold-out bed back at the hotel, looking more “fresh” than “man.”

“You came from a very tough academic school with great grades. You took the tests, you got the scores, you did the hours and you did the travel and extracurriculars. You made it happen. No one else. This won’t be any different. This school chose you because they know you can succeed here.”

“None of the other kids look scared at all,” he says, and for the first time I can remember since he was a baby, I can see his eyes welling up. I want to reach out and hug him, but I don’t. Instead I look him in the eye.

“Never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”

He nods and turns away.

“I think I might take a nap.”

“Sure, I’ll wake you in a while,” I say.

He curls up in a ball, like he used to. I unfold a blanket and cover him, tucking it underneath, rolling him in it, like a burrito.

The students who populate the university are impressive. These are the ones who didn’t dumb it down to be cool, the ones who were unabashed about learning and loved doing it. Anyone feeling anxious about the future of our country should spend a couple of days on our college campuses. These kids are studs.

Matthew meets friends quickly, a great group of freshmen from all over the country.

“Dad, they all can’t believe I left Southern California. They all want to go there.”

“This is exactly how you will get to live in Southern California if you want to. You will earn it here,” I tell him at a good-bye dinner Sheryl and I have put together for him and his new pals. He nods in his solemn way.

After dinner the gang plans on going to one of the local nightspots. “Dad, you gotta come!” He insists, and I know, like me, he is playing to delay the end of the evening. I leave before sunrise in the morning. Sheryl will stay later (I have to be back at Parks and Recreation by noon to shoot a full day) and she urges me to go. “Do it. He wants to be with you. I’ll drop you off.”

But at the hot spot it is wall-to-wall kids, easily a couple hundred of them, raucous and spilling out into the street. I know I can’t wade into a group like that unnoticed. Matthew knows it too.

“Honey, I can’t go in there,” I say as everyone piles out of our rental car.

“I know, Dad.”

We lock eyes for the tiniest beat. I want to see what, if anything, he will say. His new “bros” are already striding to the club and he doesn’t want to be left behind. This is the college good-bye I’ve heard so much about and dreaded so deeply.

I close in to hug him, but he puts just one arm around me, a half hug. “Peace,” he says, a phrase I’d never heard him use until he said the same thing to his little brother in the driveway. Then he turns on his heel and strides away. From his body lan­guage I know he won’t turn to look back; I know why and I’m glad. I watch him until I can’t see him anymore, until he’s swallowed up by his new friends and his new life.

Adapted from Love Life by Rob Lowe. Copyright © 2014 by Rob Lowe. Printed by permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

"My Dads" - Sample Common Application Essay for Option #1

Charlie Writes about His Atypical Family Situation in His College Application

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The essay prompt for option #1 of the 2018-19  Common Application allows students a lot of breadth: " Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story ."

The prompt allows students to write about just about anything they find extremely important in their lives. Charlie chose this option because his atypical family situation was a defining part of his identity. Here is his essay:

Charlie's Common Application Essay

I have two dads. They met in the early 80s, became partners soon after, and adopted me in 2000. I think I’ve always know that we were a little different from most families, but that’s never really bothered me. My story, that which defines me, is not that I have two dads. I’m not automatically a better person, or smarter, or more talented, or better looking because I am the child of a same-sex couple. I’m not defined by the number of fathers I have (or the lack of mothers). Having two dads is inherent to my person not because of the novelty; it’s inherent because it has afforded me a completely unique life perspective.

I’m very fortunate to have grown up in a loving and safe environment—with caring friends, family, and neighbors. I know for my dads, that was not always the case. Living on a farm in Kansas, my dad Jeff struggled internally with his identity for years. My dad Charley was luckier; born and raised in New York City, he was always supported by his parents and the community there. He only has a few stories of being harassed on the street or the subway. Dad Jeff, though, has a web of scarring on his right arm, from the time he was jumped leaving a bar; one of the men pulled a knife on him. When I was little, he used to make up stories about these scars; it wasn’t until I was fifteen that he told me the truth.

I know how to be afraid. My dads know how to be afraid—for me, for themselves, for the life they’ve created. When I was six, a man threw a brick through our front window. I don’t remember much about that night save for a few images: the police arriving, my aunt Joyce helping to clean up the glass, my dads hugging, how they let me sleep in their bed that night. This night wasn’t a turning point for me, a realization that the world is an ugly, nasty place. We carried on as usual, and nothing like that ever happened again. I guess, in retrospect, my dads were just used to living slightly afraid. But it never stopped them from going out in public, being seen together, being seen with me. Through their bravery, their unwillingness to give in, they taught me the virtue of courage more concretely and lasting than a thousand parables or Bible verses ever could.

I also know how to respect people. Growing up in a “different” family dynamic has led me to appreciate and understand others who are labeled as “different.” I know how they feel. I know where they’re coming from. My dads know what it is like to be spat on, looked down on, yelled at, and belittled. Not only do they want to keep me from being bullied; they want to keep me from bullying. They have taught me, through their actions, beliefs, and habits, always to strive to be the best person I can. And I know countless other people have learned the same things from their own parents. But my story is different.

I wish having same-sex parents wasn’t the novelty it is. I’m not a charity case, or a miracle, or a role model because I have two dads. But I am who I am because of them. Because of all they’ve lived through, dealt with, suffered, and tolerated. And from that, they’ve taught me how to help others, how to care about the world, how to make a difference—in a thousand small ways. I am not just the “boy with two dads;” I’m the boy with two dads who taught him how to be a decent, caring, courageous, and loving human being.

A Critique of Charlie's Common Application Essay

Overall, Charlie has written a strong essay. This critique looks at the features of the essay that make it shine as well as a few areas that could use a little improvement.

The Essay Title

Charlie's title is short and simple, but it is also effective. Most college applicants have a single dad, so the mention of plural "dads" is likely to pique the interest of the reader. Good titles don't need to be funny, punny, or clever, and Charlie has clearly gone for a straight-forward but effective approach. There are, of course, many strategies for writing a good essay title , but Charlie has done a good job on this front.  

The Essay Length

For the 2018-19 academic year, the Common Application essay has a word limit of 650 and a minimum length of 250 words. At 630 words, Charlie's essay is on the long side of the range. You'll see advice from many college counselors stating that you are better off keeping your essay short, but that advice is controversial. Sure, you don't want to have wordiness, fluff, digressions, vague language, or redundancy in your essay (Charlie is not guilty of any of these sins). But a well-crafted, tight, 650-word essay can provide the admissions folks with a more detailed portrait of you than a 300-word essay.

The fact that the college is asking for an essay means that it has  holistic admissions , and the admissions folks want to learn about you as an individual. Use the space you've been given to do so. Again, there are many theories about the ideal essay length , but you can obviously do a more thorough job introducing yourself to the college with an essay that takes advantage of the space you've been given.

The Essay Topic

Charlie steers clear of some of the obvious bad essay topics , and he has certainly focused on a topic that the admissions folks won't see very frequently. His topic is an excellent choice for Common Application option #1 for his domestic situation has clearly played a defining role in who he is. There are, of course, a few conservative colleges with religious affiliations that would not look favorably upon this essay, but that's not an issue here since those are schools that would not be a good match for Charlie.

The essay topic is also a good choice in that it illustrates how Charlie will contribute to the diversity of the college campus. Colleges want to enroll a diverse college class, for we all learn from interacting with people who are different than us. Charlie contributes to diversity not through race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, but by having an upbringing that is different from the great majority of people. 

Weaknesses of the Essay

For the most part, Charlie has written an excellent essay. The prose in the essay is clear and fluid, and aside from an incorrect punctuation mark and a vague pronoun reference, the writing is pleasing free of errors.

Although Charlie's essay isn't likely to create any significant concerns from readers, the tone of the conclusion could use a little reworking. The last sentence, in which he calls himself "a decent, caring, courageous, and loving human being," comes across as a little strong with the self-praise. In fact, that last paragraph would be stronger if Charlie simply cut the final sentence. He's already made the point in that sentence without the problem of tone we encounter at the very end. This is a classic case of "show, don't tell." Charlie has shown that he is a decent person, so he doesn't need to spoon feed that information to his reader.

The Overall Impression

Charlie's essay has much that is excellent, and the admissions folks are likely to respond positively to how understated most of it is. For example, when Charlie narrates the scene of the brick flying through the window, he says, "this night wasn't a turning point for me." This is not an essay about sudden life-changing epiphanies; rather, it is about the life-long lessons in bravery, perseverance, and love that have made Charlie into the person that he is.

A couple simple questions you can ask when evaluating an essay are these: 1) Does the essay help us get to know the applicant better? 2) Does the applicant seem like someone who would contribute to a campus community in a positive way? With Charlie's essay, the answer to both questions is yes.

To see more sample essays and learn strategies for each of the essay options, be sure to read The 2018-19 Common Application Essay Prompts .

• Common Application Essay, Option 1: Share Your Story
• "Handiwork" - Sample Common Application Essay for Option #1
• Model Essay on Identity
• Tips for the Pre-2013 Personal Essay Options on the Common Application
• A Sample Essay for Common Application Option #7: Topic of Your Choice
• Sample Common Application Essay for Option #5
• College Application Essay - The Job I Should Have Quit
• "Grandpa's Rubik's Cube"—Sample Common Application Essay, Option #4
• Sample Application Essay - Porkopolis
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A Dad Sending His Daughter Off to College 736.1

I want to share a slightly edited portion of a letter my friend Scott Raecker wrote to his daughter Emily on sending her off to college:

My Dear Emily, My life changed the day we found out that you were on your way. From that moment forward, you have been on my mind and heart – every day. I vividly remember driving you home from the hospital. I was incredibly nervous with this great awareness: I was in control and it was my responsibility to protect you from the dangers of the world. Now, as you go off to college, I am still nervous. The dangers of the world are still out there, but I don’t have the same control, and the responsibility for your safety is more yours than mine. When I hug you goodbye on move-in day, I may not be able to say all I want to. I want to be sure you know I love you. I am proud of you. I believe in you. I know you are ready for this next stage of your life. Your mom and I have watched you grow into your own person, and we trust you to make good choices (though we expect that you will make some mistakes and that from these you will grow). The rest of your life will not be the next four years – but the next four years will have a significant impact on the rest of your life. So work hard, dream big, make good decisions – and have fun! Let your values, your faith, and your character guide you and never doubt that your mom and I will always love you and be proud of you.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Here is a more complete, unedited excerpt version of Scott’s letter:

My Dear Emily

My life changed the day we found out that you were on your way. From that moment forward you have been on my mind and heart – every day. And while mom did the hard work to bring you into this world – I have been emotionally engaged every step of the way. The day you were born was one of the great joys of my life. I remember your mom and I both saying, “Thank you, God!”

One of the things I vividly remember about your birth and the days that followed was driving you and mom home from the hospital. I was so incredibly nervous driving you home – both hands gripping the wheel (white knuckle), looking in every mirror constantly, with this great awareness that any accident could cause you harm – and it was my control and responsibility that would get you home safe from the dangers of the world. I’m not kidding – it was nerve-wracking.

And also a good analogy of the life changing sequence we are about to go through. The dangers of the world are still out there – and I have been working to give up control and responsibility to protect you. In fact, you are well prepared to take the lead now – and we should both be mindful of one of your favorite songs – “Jesus Take the Wheel.”

As you go off to college your life will never be the same – neither will our relationship. Both will probably take some time to adjust – and we will do that together and we will do it well.

When I hug you goodbye on move-in day these are the things I want to say to you and won’t be able to get out.

I love you. I am proud of you. I believe in you. You are a beautiful person inside and out.

I know you are ready for this next stage of your life, and there are a few things I want to share with you – things you already know – but I will share nonetheless.

Your mom and I have done our best to help you grow into your own person. We trust you to make good decisions on your own (you may need to remind me of this from time to time) – and expect that some mistakes will be made along the way – and from these you will grow. The consequences from both good decisions and mistakes will be yours to enjoy and sort through.

The rest of your life will not be the next four years – but the next four years will have a significant impact on the rest of your life as you develop your own network of friends – and credentials (as Dean Bloom says) – that will guide the path in store for you. Only you can write your autobiography – and these first 18 years will be a very short Chapter 1 in comparison to what you start writing from this point forward.

A couple of thoughts for you.

College is hard. Go to class. Be prepared for class. Study. Develop relationships with the faculty and have a go-to faculty contact. Take advantage of resources. Ask questions – all questions are good. You will have obstacles – your attitude in how you overcome them will be important – obstacles are good things – and YOU can resolve them and learn from them. You are smart and a hard worker who can compete with the best – and there will be smarter people than you – and harder workers – don’t be intimidated. Surround yourself with good people. Minimize drama in your life and don’t bring it upon yourself. Seek opportunities to be involved and take advantage of them. Step out of your comfort zone. Academic responsibility rests with you.

Alcohol, controlled substances, sex – you will have new opportunities – make choices in alignment with your character and your life will not take unexpected detours. Social responsibility rests with you.

You will experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in the next several years – this will prepare you for the rest of your life. Keep the highs and lows in perspective and balance. Take a deep breath and relax – everything works out.

Stress, anxiety, and even depression, will be natural emotions you will experience. When needed – ALWAYS seek help in appropriate places with appropriate people – and remember that among others, your mom and I will always be appropriate people.

You went to self-defense class for a reason – think safe to be safe.

I would expect you are feeling some of the same range of emotions I have – excited and nervous as well as hopeful and fearful. That is ok and to be expected.

The Six Pillars of Character are not just words for a wall or to memorize – they are a “go-to” code of principles that are an exceptional tool as a guide in how to live life. Use them as a guide when you are making decisions. They are more important to you now than any other time in your life. And in this I speak from experience.

Seek excellence in all you do: think outside the box, identify and manage your priorities, seek a healthy life balance, make excellence your goal, establish productive and positive relationships, serve a cause greater than yourself, and know yourself and your go-to ethical code.

In this world – no one loves you more that your mother and me – and our love is unconditional – don’t ever forget this and use it to your advantage. You will find no better “go-to people” than the two of us.

We have done our absolute best to prepare you well for this moment in your life. Your time is now. Make the most of the opportunities ahead and your significance in this world will be assured.

You are a woman of strong and growing faith. Continue your faith journey in ways that allow you to grow – you know how much your mother and I love you – God loves you more – believe it!

Work hard, dream big, make good decisions – and have fun!

Know my joy in this moment for you. I love you. I am proud of you. I always will be.

Keep the Faith

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177 College Essay Examples for 11 Schools + Expert Analysis

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Poignant parent essays on having a child leave for college

Since many of of us will be saying goodbye this month to our children off to college, I thought I’d seek out recommendations of well written pieces from a parent’s perspective.

I’ll start with these two:

Saying goodbye to my child, the youngster by Michael Gerson

I love Beverly Beckham‘s essay in the Boston Globe from years ago…

The article is paywalled now. I had saved the content…

——————————— I was the sun and the kids were my planets By Beverly Beckham Updated August 31, 2022, 2:21 p.m.

I wasn’t wrong about their leaving. My husband kept telling me I was. That it wasn’t the end of the world when first one child, then another, and then the last packed their bags and left for college.

But it was the end of something. “Can you pick me up, Mom?” “What’s for dinner?” “What do you think?”

I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, non-stop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.

And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow.

And then they were gone, one after the other.

“They’ll be back,” my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals — not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars.

Always is what you miss. Always knowing where they are. At school. At play practice. At a ballgame. At a friend’s. Always looking at the clock midday and anticipating the door opening, the sigh, the smile, the laugh, the shrug. “How was school?” answered for years in too much detail. “And then he said . . . and then I said to him. . . .”

Then hardly answered at all.

Always, knowing his friends.

Her favorite show.

What he had for breakfast.

What she wore to school.

What he thinks.

How she feels.

My friend’s twin girls left for Roger Williams yesterday. They are her fourth and fifth children. She’s been down this road three times before. You’d think it would get easier. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without them,” she has said every day for months.

And I have said nothing, because, really, what is there to say?

A chapter ends. Another chapter begins. One door closes and another door opens. The best thing a parent can give their child is wings. I read all these things when my children left home and thought then what I think now: What do these words mean?

Eighteen years isn’t a chapter in anyone’s life. It’s a whole book, and that book is ending and what comes next is connected to, but different from, everything that has gone before.

Before was an infant, a toddler, a child, a teenager. Before was feeding and changing and teaching and comforting and guiding and disciplining, everything hands-on.

Now the kids are young adults and on their own and the parents are on the periphery, and it’s not just a chapter change. It’s a sea change.

As for a door closing? Would that you could close a door and forget for even a minute your children and your love for them and your fear for them, too. And would that they occupied just a single room in your head. But they’re in every room in your head and in your heart.

As for the wings analogy? It’s sweet. But children are not birds. Parents don’t let them go and build another nest and have all new offspring next year.

Saying goodbye to your children and their childhood is much harder than all the pithy sayings make it seem. Because that’s what going to college is. It’s goodbye.

It’s not a death. And it’s not a tragedy.

But it’s not nothing, either.

To grow a child, a body changes. It needs more sleep. It rejects food it used to like. It expands and it adapts.

To let go of a child, a body changes, too. It sighs and it cries and it feels weightless and heavy at the same time.

The drive home alone without them is the worst. And the first few days.

But then it gets better. The kids call, come home, bring their friends, fill the house with their energy again.

Life does go on.

“Can you give me a ride to the mall?” “Mom, make him stop!” I don’t miss this part of parenting, playing chauffeur and referee.

But I miss them, still, all these years later, the children they were, at the dinner table, beside me on the couch, talking on the phone, sleeping in their rooms.

What a wonderful piece! Thank you for sharing!

It’s also on Beverly Beckham’s own website w/o a paywall:

Here’s another that I had filed away when my kids were little. From Bill Bryson’s I’m a Stranger Here Myself, his essay On Losing a Son (to College):

And this one from Eliza Van Cort:

Wow, so much heavy truth in these essays with my youngest leaving in a few days. Loved the Gerson and Bryson pieces which especially hit hard.

I have trouble getting though this one without tearing up.

Totally agree! Same here.

Love this poem from Cecil Day Lewis

It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day - A sunny day with leaves just turning, The touch-lines new-ruled - since I watched you play Your first game of football, then, like a satellite Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away

Behind a scatter of boys. I can see You walking away from me towards the school With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free Into a wilderness, the gait of one Who finds no path where the path should be.

That hesitant figure, eddying away Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem, Has something I never quite grasp to convey About nature’s give-and-take - the small, the scorching Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay.

I have had worse partings, but none that so Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly Saying what God alone could perfectly show - How selfhood begins with a walking away, And love is proved in the letting go.

Bryson is a fab writer. He hits home.

But hopefully your kid does return to you. As an adult whom you relate to as another adult and just not “your kid”. Best ever.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/05/opinion/parenting-college-empty-nest-pandemic.html

I don’t have an essay… but the book “Letting Go” is fabulous.

It’s even harder to let them go at 14. Ask me how I know. Every year on the prep forum, we console each other about this choice to allow our children to leave so early. I’ve posted about this “loss” many times, but here and here sum it up.

Hugs to all of you who are anticipating this separation for the first time.

I’m teary eyed reading this thread. I actually cried at the end of every summer vacation when my kids were in school. They’d get in the bus and I’d go inside and bawl my eyes out.

Here’s another heart-tugger written by novelist Elisabeth Egan for her daughter:

Not quite an essay but here is a must read blog post “The Tail End” that riffs on the sobering statistic that at least 93% of all the time that we parents spend in our lifetime with our children is in the past by the time they graduate high school. “Make it count.”

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A Letter to My Son as He Leaves for College

I wrote a letter to my son going college. Every parent who has had a child leave for college knows that it’s an incredibly emotional experience and a moment filled with reflection. It’s hard to feel fully prepared for your child to take that next big step. With that in mind, I’d like to share with you my letter to my son including some life advice.

I can hardly believe you’re a college freshman already. It feels like just yesterday when you were racing your toy cars across the living room and riding bikes in the neighborhood with your friends. Where did the time go? But here you are, about to start this new and exciting chapter. This is your time to explore the world and discover what you’re truly passionate about.

I’ll miss you more than I can say.

I know this experience will be great for you, but I can’t help thinking about how the house will feel without you here. Sure, you spent a lot of time on your iPad with your headphones on, lost in your world of music and gaming, but there was always that comforting background noise—your laughter, your voice excitedly talking about the latest game or show. You’ll stay in touch, I know, but it won’t be the same as seeing you grab a snack from the kitchen or watching you dive into a new project. I might even miss the trail of sneakers and sports gear you left around the house.

Advice For College Life

First, manage your time well and make good choices.

Your dad and I have always encouraged you to think things through before making decisions. Now, as you step into this new phase of life, remember to keep that habit. When faced with a choice, take a moment to consider its long-term effects. In college there will be a lot of exciting distractions. Remember to stay focused and manage your time wisely so you remain a well-rounded person. Go to class on time and don’t procrastinate too much on studying and homework.

Second, find friends who truly appreciate you.

You had a great group of friends in the neighborhood and in school, but they’re all going in different directions and nobody is going to your same school. This is an opportunity to start over and make a new group of friends. I’m sure you’ll have no problem being social, but just remember to find friends who truly appreciate you the same way your other friends did.

Third, take care of yourself.

You’ll have a lot more responsibilities now, including health, grades, and laundry. Keep some essentials on hand—medicine, healthy snacks, and whatever else you need when you’re not feeling your best. And remember, your body needs fuel, so while it’s easy to grab whatever’s convenient, try to balance it out with some healthier options. Make sure to get adequate amounts of sleep!

Lastly, when you’re feeling down, get active.

There will be times at college when you might feel lonely, overwhelmed, or just off. When that happens, get up and do something—anything. Call us, take a walk, play sports with friends, or hit the gym. Movement can help those feelings pass, and even the smallest steps forward count.

Keep This Letter

You’re an incredible young man—smart, funny, and kind. You’ve got a unique perspective on life, and I hope these next few years help you see just how capable you are. You’ve got everything you need to succeed. I hope this letter to you reminds you of how much we love you.

Remember, no matter what, your dad and I are always here for you.

We’re so proud of the man you’ve become. You’ve worked hard to get to this point, and now everything you do is for your own future and happiness. We want nothing but the best for you, my amazing son. PLEASE remember to call us regularly, we’ll be excited to hear from you!

A letter to my son as he heads off to college

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As my heart breaks a little, here’s the last-minute advice I gave that I hope he takes to heart. As my son prepares to head off to college and the start of his adult life away from home, my stomach is doing flips, and as for my heart, well … it’s kind of breaking (although I don’t want him to know that). While I’ve tried to teach him life’s fundamentals, I feel he’s only half done — and as for his cooking skills, they’re limited to toast, pasta, and takeaway pizza — you know, the carb diet. So like any anxious mom I’m trying to crib the essentials into a letter that I’ll hope a) my slightly lazy son will read, and b) he’ll actually take heed of — if only just a little bit.

My Dear Son,

I know just how exciting, and a little daunting, it can be to leave home. I also know that you know everything , and you don’t need any advice. However, being the bossy and concerned mom that I am (yes, I know, I know, it’s my job), I want to give you some little tidbits that will hopefully help you in times of need.

I’m going straight for the practical and boring stuff first. After all, who’s going to do your laundry?! Speaking of which, remember to separate colors from lights and wash on cold. Simple. Bedding should be changed weekly and washed on a high temperature. (Note: I bought you sheets and covers all the same color so can be thrown in the same wash.} Please don’t leave pungent sports clothes brewing in a bag; it’s tricky to get rid of those odors, so wash pronto. You can always call if you have any questions. As for ironing, I’ll save that for when you’re home next. I’m a realist!

Food. Oh yes, food. You cannot live off ravioli. I know you think you can, but you shouldn’t. Even if it means just chopping up carrots (which are cheap) and shoving some cucumber and pepper chunks on a plate, at least you’ll get some vitamins into you. Then there’s the ‘f’ word: FRUIT. Eat some! I know it’s a pain to peel an orange or a banana when it takes just two seconds to open a Snickers bar, but it’s worth it and it’s a million times better for you. Remember when boiling water to keep the handle over the stove, and if you heat something up in the microwave remember to take it out and actually eat it. I’ve written out your favorite recipes with a simple step-by-step guide; give them a go, it’s not too hard.

So now you’re fed and clean we need to move on to more emotional matters. While I know you are going to be crazy busy working hard (hmmm or should I say, playing hard), you might have times of feeling homesick or lonely. Just because you’re surrounded by people doesn’t mean you can’t feel alone. It’s not always easy to find people who get you, and you’re used to being with a large family and childhood friends who know you inside out. Be open to people and you’ll never know what might develop. However, if you are feeling lonely I have the perfect remedy …

I appreciate how going to church will not necessarily be your priority (I know you’ve been going to Mass begrudgingly during the last couple of years, but I’m confident that as you mature this will change). However, in times of loneliness it should be your first port of call. You’ll have a ready-made community ready to welcome you, and more importantly there will always be someone to listen to you, whether it be a priest or the Man Upstairs Himself. Also, you never know who you might meet … perhaps the perfect girl!

Again, I know I’m not allowed to talk about girls. I’d say speak to dad but there are a few things you need to know that come from a woman’s perspective. Yep, I may be your mom but I’m also a woman who used to date. So firstly there is one word to consider permanently: RESPECT. Always show respect for any girl, which means respecting her wishes, her boundaries, her body, her beliefs, her family. And respect yourself too. Ask yourself what you really want. If you don’t want a serious relationship, don’t give a girl any false hope. Likewise, if you do, let the girl know. Let her know what she means to you.

While still on the subject of girls (I’m nearly finished), there is another thing you really need to know. A girl needs to be wooed but this doesn’t mean overspending on her (although a thoughtful gift is always welcome). To really impress a girl just be thoughtful and attentive. Be considerate and spend time with her. At your age there are plenty of fun things to do that don’t cost the earth. If you’re with a girl who expects the earth then she is not the girl for you. (That’s it, I’m done on the subject of girls!)

Finally, while there are a million other things I feel I need to tell you I suppose there is one thing you really need to know; never be too proud or scared to admit you’ve made a mistake. I’ve made millions. If you need help I’m just a phone call, Skype, Facebook message, text message, email, or even a letter away — you see, there are no excuses. I love you, for the good and the bad, and I won’t judge you. Just know I’m always here.

Now go have some fun, learn (that’s what college is all about!), and be happy. Contact me only when you want to, I don’t want you to feel obliged to call me ( Note to reader: this tactic always works with him. When I tell him not to call he calls all the time ). Remember, all I really want for you is to do the best you can while being the best you can. Remember that life is beautiful and this is just the start of it. Enjoy!

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I'm a former director of admissions at Cornell. Here are my 4 tips for writing a successful application for a highly selective college.

• John Morganelli Jr. worked as the director of admissions at Cornell University.
• He said there are subtle but important differences between Ivy-level and NYU-level applications.
• Morganelli Jr. shares his best application tips from gaming major selection to presenting a brand.

This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with John Morganelli Jr., a former Director of Admissions at Cornell University and the current Director of College Admissions for Ivy Tutors Network , about his experience with admission to elite colleges in the United States. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

College prep in the United States starts early. The summer after eighth grade, going into ninth grade, when students should start thinking about what clubs to join in high school. If you want to get into a US college and you wait until 10th and 11th grades, you may not have enough time to create the depth in the application you're looking for.

If you have good grades, you can get into a good college. But there's a subtle difference between an application that will get a child into an Ivy-level school versus an NYU-level school. Here are my insider tips from working as the director of admissions at Cornell University.

Prospective major selection can impact your chances

When I was the Director of College Admissions at Cornell, managing institutional priorities was my biggest job. Elite colleges want diversity — ethnic, intellectual, academic, and social. One of the things that can make students more attractive to a top-tier school is their prospective major.

When you apply to a university, you first apply to the college: arts and sciences, engineering, or business college. Moving between colleges is difficult, but you don't have to declare your major until the second semester of your sophomore year. You can pick any major you have the grades for; it doesn't have to be what's on the application.

The prospective major is just the lens through which readers look at your application. Some majors are more competitive than others. Computer science and pre-med are competitive, but if you say on your application that you want to major in anthropology, the popularity would be very low.

Anthropology is housed in the same college as these more competitive programs but receives fewer applications. And the quality of the apps for anthropology — the engagement, the research, and the objective achievement — would be more diverse because the field is more broad.

Consider applying with a secondary or tertiary interest that may not be your long-term goal but would allow you a significantly easier pathway into the college type you want.

Activity lists are a needle mover in an application

The activity list is a focused list of your extracurricular activities. You want to add some personality and contribution-oriented language.

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Many students struggle with it and treat it like a résumé by just explaining their duties.

Admissions officers want to understand your perspective, whatever activity you choose. If it was the school newspaper, what drew you specifically to this activity, and how did you make a difference in this role? Be clear about your contribution.

Clubs like the newspaper and the model UN are easily adaptable as precursors to various academic disciplines.

Don't leave the additional information section blank

The biggest opportunity students don't capitalize on is the additional information section.

90% of the apps we received were submitted with no additional information.

But you have 650 words available in that section. Use that section for what I call "evidence" — proof that you're already engaged with your prospective major in your community.

Conduct independent research with a community-oriented, information-sharing or advocacy aspect. Formulate a research question you want to know about independently or with a teacher's supervision.

The question could be, "Which groups are left out of public communication about injury prevention?" Write the answer as a paper.

Then, do some additional outreach on that topic in your local community. Maybe write an op-ed for the local newspaper, or attend a council meeting, and speak during the open forum. Get a video or a press clipping of that, and include the public outreach and the research paper's abstract in the additional information section.

Admissions officers glancing at this section will immediately recognize how passionate an applicant is. An application with this extra step will look a lot different than 99% of the students in the country.

Top colleges want you to have a personal brand

The acronym PAGE is a helpful reminder of the four things that make an application stand out.

"P" stands for perspective, "A" for activity or action, "G" is your academic goal, and "E" is ethos.

The difference between admitted and waitlisted students is the clear academic goal: your prospective major or a topic like housing insecurity in rural areas. The more specific, the better. The activities and actions you list should support that goal.

Most students who apply to Ivy League schools have clear goals and activities that support those goals. The differentiator is perspective; how they specifically approach life.

Ethos stands for the application's brand or theme, which should reflect all these elements. We write one for every student. It's about two sentences long and explains the student's values. For example, "I believe that a person must embrace being empathetic to overcome a lack of connection and foster meaningful relationships," or "I believe that being audience-centered, engaging, and adaptive in communication is essential to fostering meaningful engagement and effectively reaching diverse groups."

Infuse these qualities across all your activities, creating a brand or theme in the app. Tie your activity descriptions back to the ethos.

An admissions officer wants to understand the value you're adding to the community. Otherwise, it's just who's the smartest with the highest grades. The easiest way to do that is to create a brand.

Since pivoting to higher education consulting, I have used this strategy to help many students get accepted into Ivy League schools.

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