interpersonal problem solving

The 7 Key Steps of Effective Interpersonal Problem-Solving

Any interpersonal relationship involving two or more distinct people is susceptible to having misunderstandings, in which one does not agree, and the other has divergent opinions and views. These misunderstandings can lead to conflicts that, if properly solved, can generate significant progress in the relationship, strengthening it.

Before we go to each step, let’s talk about how interpersonal problems can come up. Conflict is a natural exchange of energies, however often seen as unfavorable because most people can’t manage stress, can’t be honest with themselves and others, and go with the mindset of being right.

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What are the Major causes of Interpersonal Conflicts?

That being so, and knowing that we cannot avoid conflicts, it is essential to understand them to resolve them in the best way. Then there will be clues as to how best to resolve disputes.

How to Resolve Interpersonal Conflicts?

Denial does nothing to improve the situation, quite the contrary because it allows the issue to increase over time. There is no point in delaying their afflictions, as they will continue where they are and as a snowball until they reach an insoluble plateau. Admitting you have a problem allows you to think about a solution.

We must not regard misunderstanding as persecution or an attempt to strike at us. By being positive, we assumed that the other person had good intentions and that a supposed lack of communication between us created a problem.

Moreover, by seeking to act positively in solving the problem, it is clear that we are not seeking intrigue, only the most sensible solution.

Positive thinking gives us a vision of hope that things can improve and that nothing is eternal, not problems and difficulties. In addition to the personal benefits that this positive-thinking brings, you end up influencing the people around you with such thoughts.

By not admitting that we care about a particular question, we can go into denial and accumulate the problem, so we stop looking for a suitable solution.

It is all right that we feel shaken, sad, and a little bewildered to some degree with situations that seem to evade its possibilities of resolution. What can’t happen is that we let those feelings get in the way of the day-to-day interactions with the people around us.

HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT MOMENT TO SOLVE A CONFLICT:

Yelling was never an excellent option to solve anything; take your pride out of the spotlight. We need to stay focused on what’s best for everyone and not our ego. Know precisely where we’re going with that discussion. Have clear, convincing arguments and look for the best way to use them.

HOW TO MAKE GOOD-POINTS DURING PROBLEM-SOLVING:

TIPS ON HOW TO BECOME MORE COMMUNICATIVE:

Knowing how to listen to means being attentive to what is being said, understanding how the person behaves when positioning their arguments, and understanding their reasons. If we are always trying to answer to justify our actions, there is no possible understanding.

To listen, we need to consider first dialogue or a conversation that involves two or more people.

TIPS TO KNOW HOW TO LISTEN:

References and Further Reading

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Interpersonal Conflicts: Types, Examples & Resolution Strategies

Author: Michelle Risser, LISW-S

Michelle Risser LISW-S

Michelle specializes in maternal mental health, trauma, and EMDR, aiming to enhance confidence and performance. She has a strong focus on overcoming burnout through coaching and consultation.

Naveed Saleh MD, MS

Dr. Saleh is an experienced physician and a leading voice in medical journalism. His contributions to evidence-based mental health sites have helped raise awareness and reduce stigma associated with mental health disorders.

Interpersonal conflicts occur when two or more people disagree about something. Disagreements often come down to a difference in goals, values, viewpoints or access to resources. Interpersonal conflicts can arise in any setting where people are involved: at work, at home, at school, and in personal or professional relationships. Fortunately, there are several ways to resolve conflict and emerge with the relationship intact. 1

Improve Communication with Your Partner in Therapy.

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What Is Interpersonal Conflict?

Interpersonal conflict is a normal, common occurrence in relationships. Anytime more than one person is involved, there are going to be different values, opinions, and thoughts. These differences are what make people individuals. Interpersonal conflict can be healthy; sometimes, it can even result in a mutually beneficial solution and a closer, healthier relationship . On the other hand, when conflict escalates or is chronic and unresolved, this can be unhealthy and stressful, causing more overall conflict in a relationship .

Although conflict is sometimes a good thing, it is difficult for a lot of people. Many people avoid conflict , react defensively or go on the attack. Being prepared with information and tools about how to resolve conflict can help one feel more confident and prepared to face conflict without damaging the relationship. Oftentimes, conflict comes down to one or more parties feeling that their needs are unmet.

Interpersonal Conflict vs. Intrapersonal Conflict

Interpersonal conflict refers to a conflict between two or more people. Intrapersonal conflict is used to describe a conflict that someone has with themself, like when they are torn between two competing thoughts or struggling to make a decision.

Types of Interpersonal Conflict

There are several different types of interpersonal conflict. It’s important to know what type of interpersonal conflict you’re struggling with to choose the best resolution strategy. Conflicts can be verbal, as in an argument, or non-verbal, as in closed-off body language, stomping around, or slamming doors.

When we discuss interpersonal conflict, we are not referring to domestic violence or physical altercations. These situations are not normal types of conflict and require professional intervention.

The six types of interpersonal conflict are:

1. Pseudo Conflict

This type of conflict is based on a difference of opinion or a misunderstanding. An example might be when one person interprets what another person said as something other than their intention. Usually, these types of conflicts can be worked through quickly by talking through the situation and clarifying needs and meaning.

2. Fact Conflict

A fact conflict occurs when two or more people disagree on the facts about something. For example, one person is convinced that gas prices are higher than ever before. Another person remembers a time that they were higher. A fact conflict can be resolved by checking the facts.

3. Value Conflict

This type of conflict occurs when people have very different values about something. These are usually things that people feel strongly about, like gun control, abortion, education, or religious beliefs. Generally, these beliefs are deep-rooted and this is not a conflict that is easily resolved.

People don’t often change their convictions based on a disagreement. A good way to handle this conflict is to listen with the intent of understanding where the other person is coming from, even if you disagree. Then, acknowledge that others are allowed to have their own beliefs and values and that’s ok.

4. Policy Conflict

Policy conflicts occur when people disagree on what type of policy, rule or procedure is best for addressing a certain problem. There are many factors that go into why someone believes a certain approach may be the best one. One way to work toward resolution is to remember the common goal and look for areas of agreement. Remember that everyone is on the same team. 2

5. Ego Conflict

This type of conflict happens when disagreements get personal and egos are involved. People may lash out or become defensive and triggered. People may get stubborn and refuse to back down. These types of agreements can go around and around without resolution.

Sometimes the best thing to do is step away and return to the conversation after everyone is de-escalated. When things are heated, people can become flooded with emotion and don’t really process what the other person is saying anyway. 3

6. Meta Conflict

A meta conflict is when people argue about arguing. Things like “You never listen to me! You make everything about you! Don’t talk to me that way!” The argument then spirals into an argument about the argument, and the initial conflict is no longer even being discussed.

Sound familiar? This may be another situation where walking away and coming back to it later is the best idea. Bring up differences in communication in a separate conversation, when all parties can discuss calmly.

Causes of Interpersonal Conflict

There are many different causes of interpersonal conflict, including differing points of view, personality mismatches, cultural differences, diverse upbringings, or conflicting values and beliefs. Conflicts are more likely to arise when people are dealing with frustration , stress, pent-up anger , or lack of communication about lingering issues builds up and then “comes out sideways.”

Conflict is an inevitable part of human relationships. People have different personalities and needs, and disagreement doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. Sometimes, it can even lead to deeper connection and understanding. However, when egos get involved, people feel their status is threatened, or they get into a pattern of attack/defend, conflict can be unhealthy. 4

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Examples of Interpersonal Conflict

Interpersonal conflict is a possibility anytime more than one person with different ideas, personalities and values gets together.

Here are a few examples of interpersonal conflict:

Policy Conflict With Non-Profit Board

The board of a non-profit is in disagreement about the employee-leave policy. People feel strongly about how they believe it should be handled; some are focused on the mental health of the staff and believe that leave should be given freely and generously. Others are worried about funding, budget, and meeting productivity, and believe that leave should be cut.

This is a policy conflict. As a starting point, it would be good for everyone to take a short break and then remember what their common goals are. Most likely, people want the same things: excellent services for their clients. It can be helpful to discuss the conflict with that shared goal in mind, and work towards a compromise that feels best overall.

Ego Conflict in a Partnership

A couple is fighting, and the argument is escalating. One partner accuses the other of not listening. That partner accuses the other of being unreliable. The next thing you know, they are hurling insults at each other, reacting in a sarcastic and defensive way, yelling and throwing out every bad thing that has ever happened.

This is an ego conflict, and it feels very personal. Take a break. When both partners are feeling calmer and able to discuss, revisit the conversation and stay focused on the topic at hand. Discuss the conversation issues at another time, as a separate discussion, and possibly even consider hiring a therapist or mediator to help with communication tools.

Value Conflict About Gun Safety

A heated discussion about gun safety in schools is taking place, and no one is seeing eye to eye. People feel strongly about their beliefs and are not likely to budge during a disagreement. This is a value conflict. A great step toward moving forward is for interested parties to listen to the other’s perspective, and try to understand their point of view. This doesn’t mean they have to agree! But if they try putting themselves in the others’ shoes and seek to understand their perspective, this is a great starting point. 2

Where Do Interpersonal Conflicts Take Place?

Interpersonal conflicts can take place at work, in school, at home, or in romantic relationships. These conflicts differ based on the topic of disagreement, the closeness of the relationship, the policies or culture in place, and the personalities of those involved. A conflict on a playground is not likely to look the same as a heated discussion in an executive boardroom. However, all types of conflicts share a few traits: someone does not feel that they are being heard or getting their needs met.

Interpersonal Conflicts at Work

At work, conflict may arise when there is disagreement about policies, productivity, or expectations. Co-workers may disagree about how best to complete a project and management may disagree about how to discipline a staff member. These conflicts can arise when people don’t feel like they have the autonomy to make decisions, or they don’t agree about how things are done.

Conflicts at work can be difficult because of power dynamics, work culture, or a stressful environment. When possible, it’s a good idea to make sure that everyone has a voice. Try a brainstorming session or give honest feedback. Support positive morale. Employees are generally more productive and happier when they feel heard, valued, and understand the overall mission. 5

Interpersonal Conflicts at School

Conflicts at school can involve altercations between students, disagreement between colleagues, or even conflict about educational policies. These conflicts can arise for many reasons and can be difficult because people interact with others in so many different roles within an educational setting.

The resolution will depend on the power dynamics and roles of people involved. For example, two kindergarteners arguing over who gets to play with a toy will be resolved differently than coworkers arguing over curriculum. In any conflict, however, it’s good to look at the needs of all parties involved and explore ways to get those needs communicated. 6

Interpersonal Conflicts at Home

Interpersonal conflicts at home can come up unexpectedly. These conflicts can include disagreements about chores, housework, or parenting. Egos can get involved when one person attacks another’s character and that person responds defensively.

One way to resolve these disagreements is to sit down for a household meeting when all parties are calm and hash out a plan for the house rules and division of responsibility. People may even want to print these rules out and hang them up or have everyone in the household sign.

Interpersonal Conflicts in Romantic Relationships

Relationship conflicts can be the most heated of all. Emotions run high, and people expect their romantic partners to meet their needs in a certain way. There are often unspoken expectations, betrayals, or feelings of disconnection that can contribute to the conflict. These things often build up over time. Partners want to keep the peace so they don’t say anything until it all explodes out.

A great way to avoid this is to check in regularly.  Take 10 minutes each evening to sit down and chat about life. Discuss disagreements when both parties are calm, but without waiting too long. If one person needs to step away, set a time to come back to the conversation. For example “I’m feeling really upset right now. Let’s take a break and talk in 30 minutes.” 7

Do conflicts leave you scarred, hurt, or angry? A therapist can help you learn healthy ways of resolving conflict that will lessen emotional residue. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

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5 Strategies for Managing Interpersonal Conflict

There are several healthy, and some not-so-healthy, ways to manage interpersonal conflict. The best strategy will depend on the relationship between the people involved, the setting, and the situation. If feelings are hurt, a sincere apology is also recommended.

The five most common conflict resolution strategies are:

1. Avoiding It

This happens when one or more people withdraw from the conflict and avoid addressing it, which is called avoidance behavior . Sometimes, they bury their feelings and move on. A person in an argument with their partner may storm out of the room or leave. Other times, they respond in more indirect ways like making passive-aggressive comments, complaining to other people, or responding in a snippy or sarcastic way.

This strategy can be helpful when emotions are high and people need to step away briefly, or if the conflict is really not important and people choose to let it go. However, avoiding it altogether is usually unhealthy and not recommended as an effective coping strategy .

2. Accommodating

Accommodating is when one or more people decide to let the other person “win” this time. For example, if there is a disagreement about where to eat, one partner may decide to bow out and let the other decide, or take turns. This can be a helpful way to deal with conflict, as long as one person is not in a pattern of ignoring their own needs just to keep the peace.

3. Compromising

Compromise happens when everyone agrees to give a little and meet in the middle. Maybe one person wants blue, the other wants red but they both like purple, so they go with that. Compromise is usually regarded as a great way to resolve conflict because everyone gets their needs at least somewhat met, and the relationship stays intact.

4. Competing

Competing is when one person in a conflict becomes more aggressive or coercive, and either forces their will on others or bullies them into doing things their way. An example is someone who says, “It’s my way or the highway”. This leaves others feeling powerless, disregarded, and resentful. While competition has its place, resolving conflicts is not the time for it.

5. Collaborating

This involves working together as a team to solve the problem. If a couple is in a disagreement about parenting, collaboration would involve sitting down, communicating, listening to each other’s concerns and coming up with a solution together. This approach is often not a quick-fix, but ultimately it is the best solution for all involved.

What to Avoid During Conflict Resolution

For your conflict to be resolved, your communication has to be productive. Things like insults or going around in circles is only going to dig you into a deeper hole.

Here’s a list of things to avoid when trying to resolve interpersonal conflicts:

• Serial arguments, going around and around about the same topics
• Placing blame on others
• Cross-complaints, or responding to an issue with a different complaint
• Not fighting fair
• Continuing to fight when things get heated, when it’s often better to take a break
• “Kitchen-sink” arguments, where every problem in the world is brought up
• Insults or name-calling
• Mind Reading

When To Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, finding a therapist is the only way to resolve a conflict and get unstuck. If parties are at an impasse with serious differences of opinion, there has been a betrayal or loss of trust, or the relationship has been significantly damaged, reach out for help.

If physical violence is involved, reach out for help immediately.  There are many options available, including interpersonal therapy , Gottman relationship therapy , Imago therapy , EFT , or even professional mediation. Qualified therapists with many different specialties and focus areas can be found in an online therapist directory .

Final Thoughts

It’s only human to have interpersonal conflict from time to time. By identifying what type of conflict it is and how to best resolve it, you can minimize its impact on yourself and others, and come out on the other side with your peace of mind and relationship intact.

Additional Resources

To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Relationships aren’t easy – a licensed therapist can help. Live sessions can be done via phone, video, or live-chat. Plus, you can message your therapist whenever you want. Visit BetterHelp

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For Further Reading

• Conflict Resolution Network 
• National Domestic Violence Network
• Nonviolent Communication
• How to Resolve Workplace Conflicts 
• Best Books for Marriage
• The Definitive Book of Body Language

Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options

Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.

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• Communication problems / too many arguments
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Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy .

Bao Y, et al. (2016). The research of interpersonal conflict and solution strategies. m.scirp.org/papers/65687

Avigur-Eshel, A., & Berkovich, I. (2019). Introducing managerialism into national educational contexts through pseudo-conflict: A discursive institutionalist analysis. International Journal of Educational Development , 68 , 1-8. https://ideas.repec.org/a/eee/injoed/v68y2019icp1-8.html

Gottman, J. M. (1993). The roles of conflict engagement, escalation, and avoidance in marital interaction: a longitudinal view of five types of couples. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology , 61 (1), 6. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-25375-001

Kim-Jo, T., Benet-Martínez, V., & Ozer, D. J. (2010). Culture and interpersonal conflict resolution styles: Role of acculturation. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology , 41 (2), 264-269. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-02862-009

Verma, V. K. (1998). Conflict management. The project management institute: Project management handbook , 353-364. http://www.communicationcache.com/uploads/1/0/8/8/10887248/conflict_management.pdf

Dobbs, R. F., Primm, E. B., & Primm, B. (1991). Mediation: A common sense approach for resolving conflicts in education. Focus on Exceptional Children , 24 (2). https://journals.ku.edu/focusXchild/article/view/7535

Campbell, L.; Butzer, B.; Wong, J. (2008). The importance of the organization of partner knowledge in understanding perceptions of relationship quality and conflict resolution behavior in married couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 34(6): 723-740 https://eurekamag.com/research/0

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3 Research-Based Ways People Approach Interpersonal Problems

Psychological studies on how personality shapes our approach to conflict..

Posted June 14, 2021 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina

• What Is Attachment?
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• Interpersonal problems are often a source of confusion and distress, but may be simpler than we imagine.
• Research shows there are three basic patterns underlying how people approach interpersonal problems.
• Attachment style and negative personality characteristics shape how we behave in relationships and overall well-being.
• Understanding the basic patterns can make it easier to regain a balanced perspective and make better decisions when distress is high.

Relationships may defy comprehension, confusing us perhaps beyond their actual difficulty. When we are distressed, lonely, insecure, enthusiastic, passionate or head-over-heels, it’s much harder to sort out what’s happening as mental noise overloads cognitive and emotional capacity.

From the outside, problems are usually clearer. We may not take good advice... we may not even recognize our trusted friends see things we don't want to see. Knowing the big picture of how interpersonal problems may be approached can help ground us in the midst of distress.

Modeling relationships based on basic strivings

Psychologists use “circumplex” (circular) models to understand personality and relationship dynamics. In the late 1950s, Timothy Leary—best known as the pied-piper of the psychedelic movement—conceptualized human motivation springing from strivings for Power and Love. These two independent factors might explain human behavior.

The circumplex model has clinical correlations with depression , anxiety and eating disorders, among others. Applied to a limited extent in non-clinical populations, more research is needed on how Control and Assurance-based models 1 of interpersonal problems manifest more generally.

How the interpersonal circumplex model drives problem-solving

To provide insight, researchers Wei, Mallinckrodt, Arterberry, Liu and Wang (2021) conducted two studies using factors analysis to reveal fundamental dynamics in how people approach interpersonal problems as a function of personality and related factors.

In the first study, they surveyed in a group of nearly 500 young adults on interpersonal problems and attachment style. Attachment style, measured using the Experiences in Close Relationships Scale, may be secure or insecure, with insecure attachment breaking down into preoccupied/anxious, dismissive and fearful. The Inventory of Interpersonal Problems, based on the Circumplex model, estimates eight negative approaches: Domineering, Vindictive, Cold, Socially Avoidant, Nonassertive, Exploitable, Overly Nurturant and Intrusive.

Attachment avoidance correlated strongest with Cold relationship problems, whereas anxious attachment correlated strongest with Intrusive, followed by Exploitable, Overly Nurturant and Vindictive approaches. There were three cardinal approaches to interpersonal problems, discussed below.

The second study was designed to test the validity of these findings and extend them by including measurement of frustrated psychological needs: relatedness frustration, competence frustration and autonomy frustration.

Participants in the second study were a similar group of young adults who had not participated in the first study. They completed the Inventory of Interpersonal Problems; the Basic Psychological Need Satisfaction and Frustration Scale; anxiety and depression with the Depression, Anxiety and Stress Scales; loneliness via the UCLA Loneliness Scale; psychological well-being with the Psychological Well-Being Scale; life satisfaction using the Brief Multidimensional Students’ Life Satisfaction Scale; and self-esteem with the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale.

Three profiles for approaching interpersonal problems

The two studies found the same three core factors were at the heart of interpersonal problems. These three ways of relating emerged as the best statistical fit to the data from both studies.

1. Flexible-Adaptive: As the name suggests, this approach to interpersonal problems is characterized by greater openness and mental agility, correlated with secure attachment. It was found in 48 percent of participants in the first study and 41 percent in the second. Participants with this profile were more likely to be women, 57 percent in the first study and 63 percent in the second.

2. Exploitable-Subservient: This profile is characterized by being deferential and more easily taken advantage of by others, associated with preoccupied attachment. Twenty-seven percent of respondents in the first, and 35 percent in the second, showed this profile. In both studies, 77 percent with this profile were women.

3. Hostile-Avoidant: This profile is characterized by angry withdrawal in the face of interpersonal strain, or “ passive-aggressive ” behavior, associated with fearful attachment. About a quarter of subjects showed this profile in both studies. There was not a clear difference in sex between the studies, however, with 43 percent women in the first and 63 percent in the second making the Hostile-Avoidant profile.

Frustrated psychological needs track with approach to interpersonal problems. Relatedness frustration was lowest in the Flexible-Adaptive profile and highest in Hostile-Avoidant, followed by Exploitable-Subservient. The authors point out that the association between relatedness frustration and hostile, avoidance suggests a particularly maladaptive cycle.

Competence frustration was higher in Hostile-Avoidant and Exploitable-Subservient patterns, but not stronger in one or the other. Challenges to competence are therefore less likely to produce Flexible-Adaptive ways of relating. Autonomy frustration was similar for all three profiles, suggesting that feeling controlled or pressured does not shape the approach to interpersonal problems, regardless of what we ultimately decide to do with the relationship.

Finally, the Hostile-Avoidant profile was associated with the most negative outcomes, higher depression, anxiety and loneliness, diminished well-being, life satisfaction and self-esteem. Exploitable-Subservient was associated with negative outcomes, though less strongly than Hostile-Avoidant. Flexible-Adaptive was associated with the least negative outcomes.

Implications

This work is interesting and intuitively makes sense. The Flexible-Adaptive approach is associated with the least problems, and presumably better outcomes—future research could look at how people address problems together. We'd expect the Flexible-Adaptive approach to work well in more situations, whereas Hostile-Avoidant people would have the most trouble, especially together.

The three problem-solving profiles track with attachment. This makes sense, and fits with prior work on attachment and relationships. For instance, helpless-hostile parenting , associated with fearful and disorganized attachment, is associated with trauma transmission from parent to child . Likewise, parenting style characterized by excessive control, intrusiveness and coldness are associated with future risk of children getting into dysfunctional relationships . Similar patterns underlie adult dysfunctional relationships (which co-authors and I term "irrelationship" ).

Those seeking greater satisfaction can use this work, with related research on changing personality, to identify what’s working and what’s not, and make intentional adaptive changes . Noticing which profile we tend to use, and which we do not, can help us to pause and consider alternatives , before forging ahead with regrettable behaviors.

1. Psychologist Jeremy S. Wiggins based the “Interpersonal Circumplex” model on Leary’s work. He created a system of personality based on dimensions of dominance-submissiveness (Control) and warmth-coldness (Affiliation). These dimensions can be visualized on a circle, with Control forming the vertical axis and Affiliation the horizontal axis. The circle is divided by eight lines like the spokes on a wheel (click for illustration), representing different degrees of dominance and tendency to connect with others. Starting at the top is Ambitious-Dominant, going counterclockwise toward the colder side first to Arrogant-Calculating, Cold-Quarrelsome, Aloof-Introverted, Unassured-Submissive, and then heading to the warmer side to Unassuming-Ingenuous, Warm-Agreeable, and Gregarious-Extraverted before returning to the top at Ambitious-Dominant.

Wei, M., Mallinckrodt, B., Arterberry, B. J., Liu, S., & Wang, K. T. (2021, June 3). Latent Profile Analysis of Interpersonal Problems: Attachment, Basic Psychological Need Frustration, and Psychological Outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology. Advance online publication. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/cou0000551

Note: An ExperiMentations Blog Post ("Our Blog Post") is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. We will not be liable for any loss or damage caused by your reliance on information obtained through Our Blog Post. Please seek the advice of professionals, as appropriate, regarding the evaluation of any specific information, opinion, advice, or other content. We are not responsible and will not be held liable for third party comments on Our Blog Post. Any user comment on Our Blog Post that in our sole discretion restricts or inhibits any other user from using or enjoying Our Blog Post is prohibited and may be reported to Sussex Publishers/Psychology Today. Grant H. Brenner. All rights reserved.

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21 Best Interpersonal Therapy Techniques & Worksheets [PDF]

The authors of the study, Gerald Klerman and Myrna Weissman, found that major depression was a diagnosable and treatable psychiatric illness greatly influenced by a focus on interpersonal factors (Dietz, Weinberg, & Mufson, 2018).

Subsequent research confirmed that targeting a client’s interpersonal context yielded positive results and led to what became IPT (Markowitz & Weissman, 2012).

This article introduces IPT and examines interventions and techniques that support the treatment of mental disorders through the link between the quality of interpersonal relationships and mental health.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive CBT Exercises for free . These science-based exercises will provide you with detailed insight into Positive CBT and give you the tools to apply it in your therapy or coaching.

This Article Contains:

What is interpersonal therapy, relationship to emotional intelligence, 5 ipt techniques, useful worksheets for your sessions, a list of ipt interventions, interpersonal group therapy: 5 activities, 2 valuable manuals and workbooks, 3 books on the topic, a look at the emotional intelligence masterclass, a take-home message.

Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) was initially developed as a time-limited treatment for depression. It has since been extended to treat several other mood and non-mood disorders and validated in multiple clinical research studies (Weissman, Markowitz, & Klerman, 2000).

The underlying principle of IPT is that while the problem presented by a client may have many factors and causes, it typically occurs within a social and interpersonal context. Losing a job, divorce, death of a loved one, relocation, and retirement impact our environment and relationships.

In IPT, the client focuses on “the relationship between the onset and fluctuation in their symptoms and what is currently going on in their life” (Weissman et al., 2000). They learn to understand interpersonal problems and how to deal with them.

Weissman et al. (2000) offer the example of a woman experiencing major depression, describing its onset over several months and the multiple factors involved, including that the woman’s children recently left home.

They point out the different approaches that several therapeutic models might use in treatment. The biological psychiatrist may suggest antidepressants, while the psychoanalyst will most likely propose talking therapy to deal with unresolved childhood difficulties.

The Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist may observe that the “depression is producing distorted thoughts and perceptions of the patient’s current situation,” and the client can learn to challenge these irrational thoughts (Weissman et al., 2000).

The authors conclude that there is no single, dominant approach (we have only listed a selection; there are others) to the treatment of mental illness, but that crucially it occurs within the environment of interpersonal relationships (Weissman et al., 2000; Dietz et al., 2018).

IPT suggests that clinical depression and other mood disorders occur within an interpersonal context. When directed at such relationships, appropriate psychotherapeutic interventions can facilitate recovery (Weissman et al., 2000).

IPT focuses “on reducing the depressive symptoms and improving the state of the client’s significant relationships that appear linked to their mood symptoms” (Dietz et al., 2018).

In the case of the depressed woman, “the onset or recurrence of a depressive episode was related to the patient’s social and interpersonal relationships at the time” (Markowitz & Weissman, 2012).

Indeed, based on strong empirical evidence, several psychosocial aspects typically underpin depression (Markowitz & Weissman, 2012):

• Social support offers protection for mental health.
• Depression has an interpersonal context and is often linked to disruption to social relationships and roles.
• Vulnerable individuals are at greater risk of depressive episodes during challenging interpersonal episodes such as grief, relationship disputes, and lack of social support.

Clinical studies have backed up IPT’s efficacy. “[L]ife events can provide a plausible focus for depressed and otherwise dysphoric patients” (Markowitz & Weissman, 2012). We can also combine the approach with other treatments, including pharmacotherapy and CBT.

Research and clinical experience find that clients can be helped and symptoms improved through working on changes in social functioning in the present (Markowitz & Weissman, 2012).

Appropriate techniques encourage interpersonal relationships and reduce interpersonal difficulties, facilitating improvements to emotional processing and enhancing empathy (Newman, Jacobson, & Castonguay, 2014; Lipsitz & Markowitz, 2013).

While limited research exists regarding the direct relationship between IPT and emotional intelligence, studies confirm the link between improvements in empathy and emotional processing and enhanced emotional intelligence (Nelis, Quoidbach, Mikolajczak, & Hansenne, 2009).

Therefore, it seems highly likely that IPT can improve interpersonal relationships and generate personal insights that promote emotional intelligence.

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Dimaggio, Ottavi, Popolo, and Salvatore (2020) highlight the importance of metacognition in understanding interpersonal relationships and treating personality disorders.

Recognizing the emotions we experience and “the thoughts that pass through our minds at particular moments” helps us navigate relationship difficulties and misunderstandings (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Such metacognitive functioning varies greatly depending on the relational context in which a client finds themselves, but it can be improved (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Several IPT techniques can help interpersonal understanding, including (Dimaggio et al., 2020):

• Guided imagery and re-scripting The client relives an upsetting or traumatic episode, imagining how they could conduct themselves in a similar, future situation.

With guided imagery therapy , such imagery exposure can desensitize and take the fear out of what is ahead.

• Drama techniques Role-playing a problematic scene can improve self-reflectivity and help clients understand others’ minds, leading to deeper insights.

Such techniques used in drama therapy offer the client a safe environment to test innovative behavior before using it in real life.

• Bodily work Exercises involving grounding, breath regulation, and physical training can increase physical and mental wellbeing and “improve emotional and behavioral regulation and access positive self-images” (Dimaggio et al., 2020). Understanding and experiencing strong, energizing physical states can help break damaging interpersonal patterns.
• Mindfulness and attention regulation Mindfulness is a well-researched tool for increasing self-awareness and self-knowledge, and recognizing that ideas are not facts.

Crucially, mindfulness can help develop a sense of agency, where the client learns they are “not the victim” of their own thoughts and that they can influence how they experience their flow of consciousness (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

• Restructuring attention Paying attention to the body’s internal signals, position in a room, and sounds can help reduce stress and improve awareness and emotional regulation (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

A suitably trained therapist can improve such relationships and subsequently reduce related mental health issues, such as depression, through appropriate techniques and interventions , including:

Mood Thermometer

The mood thermometer provides a highly effective way to track a client’s mood and identify associated interpersonal interactions.

This visual guide identifies mood changes and how they link to different interpersonal events (for example, in class or at home). It is especially effective for children who are less practiced at spotting moods and potentially related events (Dietz et al., 2018).

Ask the client to complete the Mood Thermometer worksheet to capture times in their life when they felt the mood described at each point along the continuum. The information and awareness gained can be helpful for discussion and insights.

Closeness Circle

The closeness circle is a valuable way to identify patterns of difficulty in maintaining strong interpersonal relationships. The diagram focuses attention on and encourages the development of interpersonal skills (Dietz et al., 2018).

Completing the Closeness Circle worksheet helps the therapist and client form a better understanding of the meaningful relationships in the client’s lives.

Interpersonal Relationships worksheet

Within IPT, the client needs to be aware of their relationships with others and understand their consequences on their lives.

The Interpersonal Relationships worksheet provides helpful prompts to explore each relationship, uncover what makes them special, and determine their impact on the client (modified from Dietz et al., 2018), such as:

Tell me about [person]. What are they like? What don’t you like about them? What do you like about them?

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Interpersonal Parenting Tips worksheet

For most parents, relationships with their children (especially in their teenage years) can, at times, become strained.

The Interpersonal Parenting Tips worksheet contains a list of practical tips for parents to strengthen the relationship with their children and reduce conflict through a focus on:

• Finding the right time to talk
• Considering the intention, not the outcome
• Finding the right balance in how you talk and respond
• Practicing self-care

Wanting to Be Heard in an interpersonal relationship worksheet

Clients often don’t feel heard in their relationships.

With a few simple techniques and tips, it is possible to significantly improve our ability to process experiences, communicate our needs more effectively, and handle interpersonal conflict.

The Wanting to Be Heard worksheet contains a list of practical tips for clients to communicate effectively:

• Using good timing
• Making time for the other person
• Using I feel statements
• Doing your homework (prepare)
• Not giving up

Emotional Repetition and Attention Remodeling

Therapists often pick up on phrases or sentences that the client repeatedly uses to describe themselves in negative and unhelpful ways (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Techniques that use such phrases can reduce the emotional intensity of frequently encountered situations and prevent the client from feeling overwhelmed (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Use the Emotional Repetition and Attention Remodeling worksheet to capture common phrases and learn how to desensitize negative feelings encountered under challenging situations.

Typically, after repeating the phrases and then practicing attention remodeling, the client reports a decrease or disappearance in the negative feelings (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Interpersonal psychotherapy for depression video

IPT helps the client revisit and improve interpersonal relationships through a variety of interventions, including:

Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be highly valuable in individual IPT sessions (and beyond) when implementing changes in client’s lives (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Mindful meditations help the client pay more attention to their environment, the present moment, and their senses.

• The Five Senses Worksheet brings awareness to each part of the body, grounds the client in the present, and encourages them to pay more attention to physical sensations, reducing stress and anger in difficult situations.
• The Breath Awareness Meditation is a mindful breathing technique that can help calm the mind and promote awareness of movements and sensations in the body.

Visualization

Imagery is a valuable therapy technique, with clients either visualizing and living future scenarios or returning to traumatic memories (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Imagery re-scripting has proven successful in the treatment of many disorders, including social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, and depression.

• The Event Visualization Worksheet helps clients reduce concern and anxiety surrounding an event they are worrying about as a means to reduce catastrophizing and increase self-confidence.
• The Visualization for Kids Handout is a useful aid for introducing children to the benefits of visualization for calming themselves during stress.

Body interventions can “stimulate awareness of psychological functioning and enrich the mental landscape” (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

Interpersonal schemas become rooted in the body based on repetitive intersubjective experiences becoming part of someone’s identity. They ultimately impact posture, behavior, and interaction with the environment (Dimaggio et al., 2020).

• Techniques include grounding of the body. The therapist works with the client to encourage a sense of balance and an improved awareness of their body in space.
• Body exercises including yoga and martial arts can help posture, improve breathing habits, and encourage feelings of energy, effectiveness, and powerfulness.

Group therapy offers a safe place to notice such schemas, learn from the group, and find new ways of behaving.

Group activities include (Dimaggio et al., 2020):

• Sessions begin with a warm-up , where participants are encouraged to talk openly with one another and learn to overcome fears of being judged.
• The therapist typically describes motivations in general before exploring each one more deeply. The group discusses the elements that activate it; for example, what drives them to compete or seek attention?
• Visual tools such as photographs, videos, and cartoons can help illustrate concepts and successfully imprint them in memory.
• The group can then discuss personal experiences associated with each motivation and other psychoeducational information.
• Role-play can be highly effective in a group setting. The clients begin by writing down an autobiographical episode that becomes a script for staging in the next role-play. It is played out to explore the situation and the interactions between different people and roles. The role-play provides a safe environment to try out new forms of behavior and identify the reactions it provokes.

Two invaluable and inspiring IPT workbooks for those requiring help include:

1. Mastering Depression Through Interpersonal Psychotherapy: Patient Workbook – Myrna Weissman

This book offers a user-friendly guide to IPT for people affected by depression.

It takes the reader through the theory and, at each stage, provides worksheets they can complete, helping them think about their problems and depression in a more constructive way.

Find the book on Amazon .

2. A Cognitive-Interpersonal Therapy Workbook for Treating Anorexia Nervosa: The Maudsley Model – Ulrike Schmidt, Helen Startup, and Janet Treasure

This valuable book is a practical resource aimed at adults with anorexia nervosa, their families, and the professionals working with them.

It provides the reader with a step-by-step guide to recovery, covering nutrition, developing treatment goals, thinking styles, and creating an identity beyond the condition.

While there are several therapy books on IPT, we have chosen three of our favorites below.

1. The Guide to Interpersonal Psychotherapy – Myrna Weissman, John Markowitz, and Gerald Klerman

The originators of the treatment have written this book, and it remains a definitive guide to IPT.

It covers the value of IPT in treating depression and its adaptation for other diagnoses and patient populations.

While covering the evidence-led background of IPT, it also teaches the reader how to deliver the treatment.

2. Metacognitive Interpersonal Therapy – Giancarlo Dimaggio, Paolo Ottavi, Raffaele Popolo, and Giampaolo Salvatore

While exploring the concepts behind IPT, this valuable book introduces essential treatments and techniques, including guided imagery, re-scripting, mindfulness, and more.

The book guides the client toward change, prioritizing their goals and needs to overcome pain and act creatively in their everyday lives.

3. Family-based Interpersonal Psychotherapy for Depressed Preadolescents: Clinician Guide – Laura Dietz, Rebecca Weinberg, and Laura Mufson

This family-based book contains IPT guidance and interventions for depressed preadolescents. It helps reduce symptoms by teaching readers the skills to improve interpersonal relationships.

The text includes psychoeducation in relation to preadolescent depression, parenting challenges, behavioral expectations, and prevention strategies.

Our Emotional Intelligence Masterclass includes all the information you require to deliver science-based, high-quality training sessions that will help your clients understand their own and others’ emotions and manage them in positive ways.

You will master the six most important pillars of emotional intelligence and learn to explain and implement them.

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While IPT arose from an investigation into treatments for depression, it has since been extended, its tools and techniques proving highly successful in treating other mental health issues (Weissman et al., 2000).

Indeed, research studies have shown IPT to be highly effective in treating mood and other disorders. Not only does it offer a valuable tool for the therapist in its own right, but it can also be used in conjunction with other treatments (Lipsitz & Markowitz, 2013).

The therapy focuses on interpersonal problems in the client’s life that precipitate and maintain mental health problems and increase interpersonal stress. Through IPT, the therapist works collaboratively with the client to enhance emotional support, decrease interpersonal stress, facilitate emotional processing, and improve interpersonal skills (Lipsitz & Markowitz, 2013).

With a solid foundation in research and the number of practitioners continuing to grow, IPT offers a proven technique to improve interpersonal relationships and mental healthcare .

Try out the techniques with new and existing clients to recognize essential relationships and focus attention on those that have broken down.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. For more information, don’t forget to download our three Positive CBT Exercises for free .

• Dietz, L. J., Weinberg, R., & Mufson, L. (2018). Family-based interpersonal psychotherapy for depressed preadolescents: Clinician guide . Oxford University Press.
• Dimaggio, G., Ottavi, P., Popolo, R., & Salvatore, G. (2020). Metacognitive interpersonal therapy: Body, imagery and change . Routledge.
• Lipsitz, J. D., & Markowitz, J. C. (2013). Mechanisms of change in interpersonal therapy (IPT). Clinical Psychology Review , 33 (8), 1134–1147.
• Markowitz, J. C., & Weissman, M. M. (2012). Interpersonal psychotherapy: Past, present and future. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy , 19 (2), 99–105.
• Nelis, D., Quoidbach, J., Mikolajczak, M., & Hansenne, M. (2009). Increasing emotional intelligence: (How) is it possible? Personality and Individual Differences , 47 (1), 36–41.
• Newman, M. G., Jacobson, N. C., & Castonguay, L. (2014). Interpersonal and emotion-focused processing psychotherapy for generalized anxiety disorder. In P. M. Emmelkamp & T. Ehring (Eds.), The Wiley handbook of anxiety disorders (pp. 840–851). Wiley.
• Schmidt, U., Startup, H., & Treasure, J. (2018).  Cognitive-interpersonal therapy workbook for treating anorexia nervosa: The Maudsley model. Routledge.
• Weissman, M. M. (2005).  Mastering depression through interpersonal therapy: Patient workbook.  Graywind.
• Weissman, M. M., Markowitz, J. C., & Klerman, G. L. (2000). Comprehensive guide to interpersonal psychotherapy . Basic Books.
• Weissman, M. M., Markowitz, J. C., & Klerman, G. L. (2017).  The guide to interpersonal psychotherapy: Updated and expanded edition. Oxford University Press.

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Essential Interpersonal Skills Everyone Should Develop

Sometimes called “soft skills” or “people skills,” these tools are key to creating and maintaining a successful career.

“She’s a people person.” You’ve heard a colleague, manager, friend or relative described that way and you know exactly what it means. This person eases through the workday like a soft summer breeze, feathers rarely ruffled, hackles seldom raised. 

13 Essential Interpersonal Skills

Communication, active listening, emotional intelligence, relational intelligence, decision making, collaboration, objective effectiveness, problem solving, conflict resolution, negotiation.

What’s their secret? Finely developed and assiduously deployed interpersonal skills. “Interpersonal skills are often referred to as ‘people skills’ or ‘social skills,’” said Roberta Matuson, president of Matuson Consulting and author of Can We Talk? Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work. 

What Are Interpersonal Skills? 

“In a nutshell, interpersonal skills are the skills that help us work well with others,” said John Waldmann, CEO and founder of Homebase , a San Francisco, California-based company that makes a time-tracking and employee scheduling app. “They’re the competencies we use to communicate, solve problems, be a part of a team, and move people and projects forward,” Waldmann said.  

“Developing your interpersonal skills, while it may seem touchy-feely, can be an important aspect of your career growth into leadership and roles with a greater scope of responsibility.” - Patrick Hayes, chief strategy officer, UncommonX, Chicago

Interpersonal skills come naturally to some people, but they can be developed and improved with time, experience and even training programs, Waldmann said. In the early days of Homebase, he said he found it “uncomfortable” to pitch the business. “But the more I practiced, the better I got,” he said. “Without taking the chance on developing those skills — communication, curiosity, empathy, adaptability and a lot of perseverance — Homebase wouldn’t be where it is today.”

Interpersonal skills work together as a package. It’s difficult to excel at one skill without excelling at the others. For instance, communication involves verbal and nonverbal skills as well as listening. Listening, “the ability to truly hear what people are saying,” Matuson said, is difficult without emotional intelligence , which is the ability to comprehend and handle emotions. Decision making and problem solving are entwined, as are collaboration and teamwork.

Employers value strong interpersonal skills because they help teams function more effectively,” said Jill Bowman, director of people at New York-based fintech company Octane . Interpersonal skills such as active listening, collaboration, empathy, team building, negotiation and leadership develop over time and can be improved with practice and training, Bowman said.

13 Interpersonal Skills Examples

“How we share ourselves in words and spoken thoughts, express through our physical reactions via body language and actively seek to understand others through listening are crucial to building other interpersonal/soft skills such as teamwork, conflict resolution and negotiation,” said Jamie Johnson, career advisor at the University of Phoenix . Well-developed communication skills create foundational people skills required to successfully interact with others and build fresh and positive personal and professional connections, Johnson added.

“Having the self confidence and conviction to make yourself heard allows you to increase collaboration with others and be an advocate in fostering your own success.” - Meighan (Meg) Newhouse, Inspirant Group, Naperville, Illinois

Communication requires both verbal and nonverbal skills. Verbal skills are the ability to articulate, in writing and while speaking, what you’re thinking, what you need and what you want to contribute, said Meighan (Meg) Newhouse, CEO and cofounder at Inspirant Group , a management consulting company based in Naperville, Illinois. 

“Having the self confidence and conviction to make yourself heard allows you to increase collaboration with others and be an advocate in fostering your own success,” Newhouse said, adding that the best way to develop this skill is to push through fear and “just do it.” 

Nonverbal skills include making eye contact, proper body language (for instance, arms not crossed in a defensive stance) and gestures, all of which can make a difference in people feeling engaged and comfortable, Newhouse said. 

Ever talk to someone whose mind seems to be on everything but what you’re saying? Active listening means engaging with the person with whom you’re talking, not just listening with one ear as you formulate what to say in response.

Active listening is crucial in the workplace, where people must interact in order to overcome challenges, said Mike Grossman, CEO of GoodHire , a Redwood City, California-based company that runs background checks on prospective employees. Active listening involves nonverbal communication, including uncrossed arms, maintaining eye contact and leaning in toward the speaker, Grossman said. 

Strong active listening also means asking specific questions about what the speaker is saying, as well as verbally affirming that you’re paying attention without interrupting the speaker’s train of thought, Grossman said. “This conveys engagement and gives you a fundamentally deeper understanding of the topic being discussed,” he said. 

More on Soft Skills How to Advance Your Tech Career With Nontechnical Skills

Relational intelligence is the ability to successfully connect with people and build strong, long-lasting relationships, said Adam Bandelli , an organizational psychologist who has pioneered the concept and written a book, Relational Intelligence: The Five Essential Skills You Need to Build Life-Changing Relationships , about it. 

It’s the everything bagel of interpersonal skills, encompassing establishing rapport, understanding others, embracing individual differences, developing trust, cultivating influence and serving others.

• Establishing rapport requires making a strong first impression, finding similarities and common ground, and creating a safe and enjoyable space for people to have a positive connection.

• Understanding others requires “good self-awareness and EQ, being curious and inquisitive, and actively listening to others,” Bandelli said. “It’s about being intentional in putting in the time and energy to get to know people on a deep level.”

• Embracing individual differences means understanding and accepting that people might be different from you, and those differences, be they sexual orientation, gender, ethnicities, race, religion or socioeconomic background, are what makes teams strong. 

• Developing trust requires commitment, consistency, character, courage and integrity. “Leaders need to continually deposit into a bank account of trust to build a sense of camaraderie and commitment from their people,” Bandelli said, noting that employees tend to stay with companies when they have a sound relationship with leaders. Once trust is gained, “you can’t use it to manipulate, control or use people” he said. “Trust is not about controlling your people.”

• Cultivating influence means having a positive and meaningful impact on people, whether it’s teammates, direct reports or the entire organization. To develop this part of relational intelligence, find a mentor who has superb interpersonal skills, Bandelli said. 

• Practicing these five essential relational intelligence skills is about servant leadership. No matter their place on the organizational chart, “great leaders know that serving their people leads to higher levels of performance, goals and objectives are attained, KPIs are delivered, and organizations achieve great financial success and profitability,” Bandelli said.

Effectively responding to challenges and questions and offering well-thought-out and convincing evidence and responses is part of the interpersonal/soft skills tool bag, said Johnson of University of Phoenix. 

The art of persuasion is as much about gaining a new perspective as it is convincing someone to your side or “winning” an argument: “They may provide valuable insight into issues and may give you the ability to voice your thoughts and opinions in a situation that can provide another perspective,” Johnson said. 

You need emotional intelligence to manage and leverage your and other people’s emotions, said Donna McGeorge , a productivity coach based in Australia. “It is the ability to understand the way people feel and react, monitor your own state and to use this to make good judgments and to avoid or solve problems,” she said. Developing emotional intelligence builds strong workplace relationships that will help you and your team achieve your goals.

The building blocks of emotional intelligence are self regulation, which is managing your feelings, emotions and behavior in healthy ways, including adapting when necessary; self awareness, or knowing your strengths and weaknesses; other awareness, which is picking up emotional cues and group dynamics and having empathy for the needs of others; building and maintaining relationships via clear communication, McGeorge said.  

It’s how we identify and choose among alternatives and is closely related to problem solving, McGeorge said. Decision-making is far from the rational process we might believe it is, she added, citing a 2000 study by social psychologists Jennifer Lerner and Dacher Kelter. The two found that “fearful people made pessimistic judgments of future events and angry people made optimistic judgments,” the report said. “In other words, we are at risk of making dumb decisions when we are not in full control of our emotions,” McGeorge said. 

Information overload, which results in the illusion of knowledge, incomplete information, or even being under deadline pressure can result in poor decisions, McGeorge said. Lack of sleep, too, has a “tremendous impact” on decision-making, she said. Finally, being bombarded with decisions to make can result in decision fatigue, which can lead to poor decision-making. 

This is one of the interpersonal skills that really pulls together all the skills. Effective teamwork requires communication skills, the ability to support and respect teammates, the ability to think and learn out loud (for instance, “so what I hear you saying is...” or “if I understand you correctly, you’d like us to…”), and the ability to “listen, really listen,” McGeorge said. “Even better, listen with an intention to have your mind changed.” 

The benefits of effective teamwork stretch beyond accomplishing goals, she added. “When done right, there’s almost an alchemy of unique gifts, talents and skills that can create a competitive advantage and have people feel great about their work,” McGeorge said.

“Employers frequently want you to rely on and help others in order to achieve a common goal,” said Shiv Gupta, CEO of Incrementors , an inbound marketing company based in Sacramento, California. Collaboration means knowing when to step back and be supportive and when to take the lead. Collaboration is also entwined with teamwork. “As a successful team player, you should have a variety of the aforementioned talents, including empathy, respect, bargaining, and communication, as well as a positive attitude,” Gupta said. 

More on Interpersonal Skills How Interpersonal Skills Help You Be a Stronger Tech Player

This interpersonal skill combines assertion and the ability to say no, said Lisa Bahar , an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, Malibu, California, and a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical counselor. 

An example of objective effectiveness in use would be describing a situation, expressing your feelings and opinions, asking for what you want, and then helping the other person understand that what you want benefits both of you. “This is not intended to be manipulative,” Bahar said. “There are also skills, when a person responds, which include being mindful of your objective and learning how to ignore attacks.”  

These skills depend on the ability to use analytical and creative thinking to find solutions, said Amy Zimmerman, chief people officer at Atlanta, Georgia-based digital payment system Relay Payments and cofounder of leadership consultancy PeopleCo . Analysis, persuasion, logical reasoning, persistence, brainstorming and decision-making are all skills required to effectively solve problems, she said. 

It’s a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. It’s a five-step process, starting with defining the source of the conflict, looking beyond the incident, requesting solutions, identifying solutions both sides can support, and reaching an agreement, Zimmerman said.

More on Soft Skills Why Engineers Should Sharpen Their Soft Skills Along With Their Technical Skills

This critical skill involves listening to the other party, understanding where they’re coming from as well as what’s important to them, said Andrea Ippolito, CEO and founder of Ithaca, New York-based SimpliFed , a telehealth platform focused on lactation, child nutrition and on-demand support for new parents. 

Successful negotiators identify the ZOPA, or zone of possible agreement, which is the common area on which both sides agree. “By understanding this zone, it allows you to meet somewhere in there for each party to accomplish what they need,” Ippolito said. 

High-quality negotiating skills help get internal and external stakeholders to buy into what you are trying to communicate, said Joe Vu, digital marketing manager at Fairport, New York-based QuickFi , maker of an app that simplifies business-equipment financing. “Using the right data insights and context can help strengthen your negotiation, and ultimately help you become a better communicator and leader,” he said. 

It’s accepting that other people can and will think and behave differently than you do. “Tolerance can be a challenge in the workplace because of individual disagreements or personal biases,” said Sam Cohen, founder of Gold Tree Consulting , a growth marketing agency based in Austin, Texas. Tolerance is acquired through exposure to different points of view and ways of thinking, and also with experience managing changes. “Change is imminent,” Cohen said, recommending meditation and practicing patience to hone tolerance. 

Why Are Interpersonal Skills Important?

Love makes the world go round, and interpersonal skills keep the workplace world spinning properly. Not only that: Interpersonal skills can make a tech professional a standout and help forge a promising career .

During his 27 years in tech, Patrick Hayes has developed, refined and used interpersonal skills as a way to influence outcomes and gain buy-in from others. “I have often been called a ‘people person,’ or someone who can get along well with others,” said Hayes, chief strategy officer at Chicago-based UncommonX , a SaaS-based cybersecurity firm.

Tech professionals, in his opinion, tend to be introverted and rely on facts, data and technical experience to reach decisions. “Developing your interpersonal skills, while it may seem touchy-feely, can be an important aspect of your career growth into leadership and roles with a greater scope of responsibility,” Hayes said. 

Interpersonal skills help soothe a variety of office issues, including disagreements, which can and will happen even in the happiest of workplaces. “Whatever the disagreement is, it’s important to separate the behavior from the individual,” said Hayes. ”As yourself, ‘why does the other person see things this way?’ You might not reach a mutually shared outcome, but this approach will provide the ability to focus on the issue and not the person,” he said.

More on Soft Skills 3 Often-Neglected Soft Skills for Developers to Know

How to Develop Your Interpersonal Skills

To be sure, some people are naturally charismatic and possess a full set of interpersonal skills. Others need to develop and refine interpersonal skills. Miriam Frankel, director of Thrive Group , a Passaic, New Jersey-based counseling center, offers nine tips for doing just that.

Think Positively

Every day, remind yourself of the good things about your life and your job. If you’re upset about a personal matter, set those feelings aside until after work. If you’re stressed about a work issue, look for the positive in the situation and try to build on that.

Control Your Emotions

Work isn’t the place to be overly emotional. Whether you’re extremely irritated, severely depressed or ecstatically happy, take a deep breath and tone your emotions down. Always express yourself in a calm, patient manner.

Acknowledge Others’ Expertise

One of the best ways to build trust at work is to let your co-workers know you appreciate their expertise. Ask for their help on projects and give credit where credit is due.

Show Genuine Interest in Your Colleagues

Make a point of getting to know what’s important to your co-workers. It will help solidify your relationships with them.

Find One Good Trait in Every Co-worker

Not all of us like every single person we work with but you can’t let personal preference get in the way of peak performance. If a colleague’s personality clashes completely with your own, the best way to handle the situation is by finding at least one good trait in that person — preferably something professional.

Practice Active Listening

Maintain eye contact with the speaker, nod your head, and repeat what they have said in your own words. The speaker will feel respected and you’re likely to be able to recall the conversation more easily afterwards.

Be Assertive

Be confident in your ability and opinions, and don’t be afraid to express your needs, as well as your limits.

Practice Empathy

Gain a well-rounded view of things by putting yourself in other people’s shoes. This will help you develop empathy for others, which in turn goes a long way in finding solutions that work for all involved.

Maintain Your Relationships

Connect with college friends and former colleagues on social media or through email; try to set up face-to-face meetings now and then. This shows your connections that you still value the relationship — and that can go a long way in helping you advance your career.

Interpersonal Skills and Impostor Syndrome

Some people might require more time to develop interpersonal skills; others, less. One group of professionals, surprisingly enough, might have highly developed personal skills, yet lack the confidence to recognize them.

That group? People with impostor syndrome — the belief that others think you’re smarter than you think you are.

Impostor syndrome is largely regarded as a professional negative. Yet new research by Basima A. Tewfik , assistant professor of work and organization studies at Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Sloan School of Management, indicates that those who have “impostor thoughts” might be viewed by others as having better interpersonal skills.

In a paper forthcoming in the Academy of Management Journal , Tewfik “develops a model linking workplace impostor thoughts to other-perceived interpersonal effectiveness,” she writes in the abstract. She posits that people with more impostor thoughts are rated higher in interpersonal effectiveness “because such thoughts make them more other-oriented.”

Perceived interpersonal effectiveness “refers to how well others perceive that one cooperates and interacts with one’s environment,” Tewfik writes in the abstract. People with higher interpersonal effectiveness levels are those who create effective working relationships and relate well to others. 

Because accomplishing things at work increasingly involves interacting with others, having employees low in interpersonal effectiveness can cost workplaces millions of dollars in ill outcomes and mismanaged projects, she writes, citing colleagues’ research on the subject. 

Tewfik tested her theory in four studies with four groups: employees at an investment advisory firm, doctors-in-training and what she calls “two cross-industry sets of employees recruited online.” Members of each group were evaluated for workplace impostor thoughts and interpersonal effectiveness by various means. 

In one employee study, for instance, half of the employees were randomly assigned to recall a time at work in which they had impostor thoughts while the other half were randomly assigned to recall what they had for lunch that day. Employees were all then told to imagine that right after the experience they recalled, they got the chance to have an informal coffee chat with a hiring manager that could result in a promotion. Employees were offered the option of either asking or answering questions during this conversation. 

Tewfik found that those in the “impostor thoughts” group choose to ask more questions. As a result of this increased “other-focus,” hiring managers gave them higher interpersonal effectiveness scores.

In summary? Impostor syndrome might feel like a career liability, but can be a real asset when it comes to getting along in the workplace. And so can a toolbox of well-honed interpersonal skills.

Take a moment each day to perfect these essential skills. Your career will thank you for it.

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• v.50(3); 2013 Sep

Language: English | Turkish

The Effectiveness of an Interpersonal Cognitive Problem-Solving Strategy on Behavior and Emotional Problems in Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity

Kişilerarası sorun Çözme eğitiminin dikkat eksikliği ve hiperaktivite bozukluğu olan Çocukların davranışsal ve emosyonel sorunları Üzerindeki etkisi, celale tangül Özcan.

1 Gulhane Military Medical Academy, School of Nursing, Ankara, Turkey

Fahriye Oflaz

Tümer türkbay.

2 GGulhane Military Medical Academy, Department of Child and Adolescent Mental Health, Ankara, Turkey

Sharon M. FREEMAN CLEVENGER

3 Gülhane Indiana/Purdue University Center for Brief Therapy, Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA

Introduction

This study was designed to evaluate the effectiveness of the “I Can Problem Solve” (ICPS) program on behavioral and emotional problems in children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

The subjects were 33 children with ADHD aged between 6 to 11 years. The study used a pre- and post-test quasi-experimental design with one group. The researchers taught 33 children with ADHD how to apply ICPS over a period of 14 weeks. The Child Behavior Checklist for Ages 6–18 (Teacher Report Form) and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) Based Disruptive Behavior Disorders Screening and Rating Scale (parents’ and teacher’s forms) were used to evaluate the efficacy of the program. The scales were applied to parents and teachers of the children before and after the ICPS program.

The findings indicated that the measured pre-training scores for behavioral and emotional problems (attention difficulties, problems, anxious/depressed, withdrawn/depressed, oppositional defiant problems, rule breaking behaviors, and aggressive behaviors) were significantly decreased in all children post-training. In addition, children’s total competence scores increased (working, behaving, learning and happy) after the ICPS program.

According to the results, it is likely that, ICPS would be a useful program to decrease certain behavioral and emotional problems associated with ADHD and to increase the competence level in children with ADHD. An additional benefit of the program might be to empower children to deal with problems associated with ADHD such as attention difficulties, hyperactivity-impulsivity, and oppositional defiant problems.

ÖZET

Giriş.

Bu araştırma dikkat eksikliği hiperaktivite bozukluğu (DEHB) tanısı konulan çocuklara uygulanan bir kişilerarası sorun çözme eğitim programı olan “Ben Sorun Çözebilirim (BSÇ)” eğitiminin etkilerini incelemek amacıyla yapılmıştır.

Yöntemler

Araştırma örneklemini DEHB tanısı konulan 6–11 yaş arası 33 çocuk oluşturmuş, tek gruplu ön-son test deseninde, yarı deneysel olarak planlanmıştır. DEHB tanısı olan bu çocuklara 14 hafta boyunca bilişsel yaklaşıma dayalı BSÇ eğitimi uygulanmıştır. Programın etkinliğini değerlendirmek için “Dikkat Eksikliği ve Yıkıcı Davranış Bozuklukları için DSM-IV’e Dayalı Tarama ve Değerlendirme Ölçeği” (anne-baba ve öğretmen formu) ve “6–18 Yaş Grubu Çocuk ve Gençler için Davranış Değerlendirme Ölçeği (öğretmen formu-TRF/6–18)” kullanılmıştır. BSÇ eğitimi öncesi ve sonrasında anne-baba ve öğretmenlerden bu ölçekleri doldurmaları istenmiştir.

BSÇ eğitimi sonrasında karşı gelme, dikkatsizlik, hiperaktivite/dürtüsellik, anksiyete/depresyon, sosyal içe dönüklük, suça yönelik davranışlar ve saldırgan davranışların azaldığı saptanmıştır. TRF/6–18′nin yeterlilik alanına ilişkin “sıkı çalışma, uyum, öğrenme ve mutlu olma” alt testlerin toplamından oluşan “toplam yeterlilik” alt testinde BSÇ eğitim sonrasında yeterlilik düzeyinin önemli oranda arttığı görülmüştür.

Sonuç

Bu çalışmanın sonuçlarına göre, BSÇ eğitim programı DEHB olan çocukların duygusal ve davranışsal sorunların azaltılmasında ve çocukların yeterlilik düzeylerinin artırılmasında faydalı olabilir. Bu programın bir diğer yararı ise bu çocukların DEHB ile ilişkili sorunlar (dikkat eksikliği, hiperaktivite/dürtüsellik ve karşı gelme sorunları) ile baş etmelerini güçlendirebilir.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which is one of the most prevalent childhood psychiatric disorders, is a neuropsychiatric disorder characterized by developmentally inappropriate levels of activity, distractibility, and impulsivity ( 1 , 2 ).

Behavioral problems in children with ADHD include acting without adequate forethought as to the consequences of their actions and inability to postpone gratification with impulsive decisions and behaviors. ADHD negatively influences social interactions with peers, interpersonal relationships with parents, teachers and peers as well as academic success and social functions ( 2 , 3 ). Children with ADHD face problems such as increased incidence of defiant and aggressive behaviors, and are at higher risk of comorbid disorders (such as oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder) compared to typically developing children ( 4 , 5 ). Behavioral problems commonly seen in children with ADHD affect the overall quality of children’s lives ( 2 , 6 , 7 ), and reduce the quality of life of their family members. Specifically, the family experiences overall increased levels of stress, decreased feelings of belonging and competence and disruption of routines and structure ( 2 ). Additional problems include: conflicts and exclusion among peers, inability to manage or prevent anger efficiently, communication/social skill difficulties, inadequate problem solving, and difficulties in relationships ( 2 , 5 , 8 ).

Multifocal treatment programs for children with ADHD may improve outcomes in a more robust manner than medication alone or behavior/cognitive management programs alone. Social skills training programs encourage problem-solving ability and support cognitive and behavioral skills ( 2 , 9 , 10 ). Some cognitive-behavioral approaches consisting of psychosocial treatments result in improved impulse control, increased assessment capability before reaction and enhance considered and tempered actions ( 11 ).

The “I Can Problem Solve” (ICPS) program is based on Interpersonal Cognitive Problem-Solving methods. The basic objectives of this program are developed mainly to deal with the social problems of children ( 12 ). The ICPS is a problem solving approach to prevention of high risk behaviors in children and provide children with assessment abilities to help them solve their problems ( 12 , 13 , 14 ). By strengthening the capacity of children with ADHD to solve problems that lead to socially undesirable behaviors such as physical and verbal aggression, impulsivity, inability to wait, inability to take turns, inability to delay gratification, over emotionality in the face of frustration, inability to maintain friendships, high risk behaviors may be reduced ( 12 ). It should be noted that, children with ADHD need extra support and structured training although other children easily can learn problem-solving skills through these programs and adapt them to real life as well ( 15 ). However, there is limited data relating the ICPS training program for children suffering from ADHD ( 10 , 12 ).

The primary aim of this study was to evaluate the effectiveness of the ICPS program on children with ADHD. It was hypothesized that ICPS program would be useful to decrease behavioral and emotional problems (oppositional defiant problems, attention problems, hyperactivity problems, anxious/depressed, withdrawn/depressed, rule breaking behavior, and aggressive behavior), and would increase the total competence scores (working, behaving, learning and happy) in children with ADHD.

Study Design and Sampling

The main purpose of this study was to evaluate the improvements between pre- and post-ICPS training in measured behavioral and emotional problems in children with ADHD and their competence in term of the effectiveness of the ICPS program. This study was designed as a pre-post-test quasi-experimental design with a single group. The study group consisted of children diagnosed with ADHD in two elementary schools in Ankara/Turkey, between ages of 6 and 11, diagnosed with ADHD according to DSM-IV-TR criteria ( 1 ). The mean age of the participants was 9.1±1.1 years. All of the children were Caucasian. The socio-demographic characteristics of the children such as gender, grade, mother’s and father’s education years, father’s/mother’s profession as well as medication use for ADHD are outlined in Table 1 .

The Socio-demographic characteristics of the participants (n=33)

Inclusion criteria were: the diagnosis of ADHD according to DSM-IV-TR criteria, 6 to 12 years of age, and child/parents volunteered for the research. Exclusion criteria were: the history of head trauma or neurological illness, developmental delay or any other axis I psychiatric disorder except for oppositional defiant disorder, making a change in her/his medications during the study if the child has been taking any medication for ADHD, and failure to attend the training.

Instruments

Data collection and assessment tools used in the research were as follows:

The DSM-IV-TR Based Disruptive Behavior Disorders Screening and Rating Scale

This is a screening and assessment instrument, which was developed based on DSM-IV-TR diagnostic criteria, consists of 9 items inquiring attention problems; 6 items inquiring hyperactivity; 3 items inquiring impulsivity; 8 items inquiring oppositional defiant disorder and 15 items inquiring conduct disorder. The adaptation of this scale to Turkish society, and the validation and reliability analyses were completed in the year 2001. The Cronbach’s alpha was 0.88 for the sub-scale attention problems and 0.92 for the sub-scale disruptive behavior disorder in the reliability analysis ( 16 ).

The Child Behavior Checklist for Ages 6–18 (Teacher Report Form-TRF/6–18)

This form was developed to evaluate 6–18 age group students’ adaptation to school and their faulty behavior through information obtained from teachers in a standardized way. TRF includes 118 items related to behavioral and emotional problems. 93 of these items correspond to the items on the Child Behavior Checklist for Ages 6–18. The scale provides information regarding adaptation as well as basic functions such as school- and student-related information. In the second part of the scale, behavior problems are inquired under the categories “internalizing” and “externalizing”. Within the “internalizing” category, there are withdrawn/depressed, somatic complaints and anxious/depressed subtests, while within the “externalizing” category, there are disobedience to rules and aggressive behaviors sub-tests. There are also sub-tests such as social problems, thought problems, attention problems and other problems that do not belong to either of the two categories ( 17 ). TRF was first developed by Achenbach in 1991, and verification and validation studies in our country were conducted by Erol at al. ( 18 ). The Validity and reliability of the Turkish version of the TRF was 0.82 for Internalizing; 0.81 for Externalizing and Cronbach alpha=0.87 for total problem.

The 49 children from two elementary schools were interviewed and examined by a psychiatric practitioner trained in child psychiatry. To exclude other psychiatric disorders, the Children Depression Inventory, the State-Trait Anxiety Inventory and the Learning Disorders Checklist were applied. 37 of the 49 children met the diagnostic criteria for ADHD. The study was introduced to 37 children and their parents in an introductory meeting. Permission and written informed consent were obtained from them (n=37). Parent reports were obtained with the DSM-IV-TR based Disruptive Behavior Disorders screening and assessment scale; teacher reports were obtained with both the DSM-IV-TR Based Disruptive Behavior Disorders Screening and Assessment Scale, and “Child Behavior Checklist for Ages 6–18 (Teacher Report Form)(TRF/6–18).

Due to various reasons, such as being diagnosed with another psychiatric disorder besides ADHD and the failure to attend the training etc., four students were excluded from the study. Finally, the remaining 33 children were taken for evaluation.

The lessons of ICPS were taught to the children in small groups. The children fell into the groups based upon their school and whether they attended morning or afternoon classes resulting in 7–9 children per group. The training program was 14 weeks in length and included 83 structured lessons. Each lesson was completed in approximately 30 minutes twice per week which could be prolonged considering children’s motivation.

The ICPS training program is based on “Interpersonal Cognitive Problem-Solving Strategy”. The ICPS program was developed by Myrna B. Shure (1992) ( 19 ) for purposes of social skills training in children and adolescents. The adaptation of this training to Turkish has been made by Öğülmüş ( 14 ). The training was provided by a primary researcher who had previously been trained exclusively by Öğülmüş. The ICPS program teaches children how to think and how to evaluate their own thoughts. Behaviors are modified by focusing on the thinking processes. The ICPS program encourages children to think about finding as many alternative solutions as possible when they deal with a problem. It teaches children to learn how to think of solutions to a problem and of potential consequences to an act. The ICPS encourages children to do their own thinking instead of offering solutions and consequences ( 12 , 13 , 14 ). ICPS with enhanced critical thinking, creativity, and reasoning skills are concerned more with how a person thinks rather than what a person thinks. ICPS attempt to enhance interpersonal cognitive skills, and thus, lead to successful alterations in overt social behavior ( 12 , 13 , 14 ). The guideline book of ICPS program included 83 structured lessons using pictures, toys, puppets, games, stories, drama, role-plays, and dialogues based on real life conversations. There is a defined goal of each structured lesson in the ICPS program book ( 19 ). The examples of goals of the ICPS lessons are as follows:

To Think About their own Feelings

To learn to identify people’s feelings and to become sensitive to them (other’s feelings) or (to gain the ability to put themselves in other’s shoes)

To increase their awareness that other’s point of view might differ from their own

To recognize that there is more than one way to solve a problem

To learn being assertive without physical and verbal aggression

To learn that different people can feel different ways about the same issue

To think of both alternative solutions and means-ends plans (weighing pros and cons)

To be aware of what might happen next and to learn how to think of solutions to a problem and consequences to an act

To decide for themselves whether their idea was or was not good in the light of their own and others’ feelings and of the possible consequences.

To learn that sensitivity to the preferences of others is also important in deciding what to do in situations which situation?

To increase understanding that thinking about what is happening may, in the long run, be more beneficial than immediate action to stop the behavior

To control impulse, including to delay gratification and to cope with frustrations

Examples of ICPS Dialoguing (Problem-solving process) ( 12 ).

“What happened, what’s the problem, what’s the matter?”

“How do you think she/he feels when.. ?” (e.g., “When you hit him/her?”)

“What happened (might happen) next when you did (do) that?”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Can you think of a different way to solve the problem (tell him/her/me how you feel)?”

“Do you think that is or is not a good idea? Why (why not)?”

Ethical Approval

This study was approved by the local ethics committee of Gülhane Military Medical Academy and School of Medicine, and Ankara Provincial Education Directorate. For ethical considerations, the purposes and methods of the study were explained to the children and their parents. After receiving their consent, the study was started.

Statistical Analysis

SPSS Ver. 13.0 for Windows (SPSS Inc., IL, USA) was used for the statistical analysis. All descriptive statistics were presented as mean ± standard deviation (SD), median and number/percentage universal tests, then normal distribution fit tests (Shapiro-Wilk test) were employed for the data used. Pre- and post-test measurement data were evaluated as dependent variables scores were compared by using the Paired-Samples T-Test or the Wilcoxon Signed-Rank Test (when variances are unequal). The significance level was assumed p<0.05.

The differences between pre-and post-training scores were statistically significant for all subscales of the DSM-IV-TR Based Disruptive Behavior Disorders Screening and Rating Scale ( Table 2 ).

Comparison of the Subscales Scores of the DSM-IV-TR Based Disruptive Behavior Disorders Screening and Rating Scale before and after the ICPS Training

t: Paired-Samples T Test, z: Wilcoxon Signed Rank Test (when variances were unequal),

According to the TRF/6–18 test scores for both pre-and post-training, the all internalizing problem behaviors including “anxious/depressed”, “withdrawn/depressed” and “somatic complaints”, and the all externalizing problem behaviors including “rule-breaking behavior” and “aggressive behaviors” were found to be significantly reduced after the ICPS training ( Table 3 ). The sum of the scores for four adaptive characteristics (“working”, “behaving”, “learning” and “happy”) displays an “adaptive functioning profile” on the TRF/6–18. The difference between competence levels of these sub-tests were found to be statistically significant based on the comparison of these levels for pre- and post-ICPS training (p=0.03). The higher total competence scores indicate the better competence ( Table 3 ).

Comparison of Problematic Behaviors Scores Identified by TRF/6–18 for Pre- and Post-ICPS Training

t: Paired-Samples T Test, z: Wilcoxon Signed-Rank Test (when variances were unequal),

The effectiveness of ICPS training for children with ADHD resulted in significant improvement in ADHD symptoms as well as in such problem areas like internalizing and externalizing behavior problems. These results suggest that ICPS training might reduce problematic behaviors and improve problem-solving skills and behavior among children with ADHD.

Pharmacotherapy tends to be a first-line therapy targeting biological implications for children with ADHD. Approved pharmacological agents for the treatment of ADHD include psychostimulants and atomoxetine. Psychostimulant medication has positive effects on children with ADHD in their ability to focus and pay attention in school settings, thereby, resulting in improvement in the overall learning environment. The therapeutic effects of pharmacological agents may be temporary, as symptom reduction occurs only when medication is active in the system. The lack of long-term efficacy has been issue of concern ( 2 , 20 ). Although the effectiveness of psychostimulants for reducing ADHD symptoms have demonstrated efficacy ( 21 , 22 ), there are potential unwanted side effects of pharmacological agents ( 23 , 24 ). Because of worrying about potential and known/unknown negative effects of pharmacotherapy, some children with ADHD may be reluctant to use any medication for ADHD, and may possibly discontinue medication treatments without their prescribers’ knowledge. Furthermore, follow-up studies have demonstrated that ADHD frequently persists into adolescence and adulthood ( 2 , 25 , 26 ). In addition, adults and those in whom ADHD was diagnosed in childhood often continue to suffer ongoing significant behavior problems ( 2 , 9 , 27 ). Accordingly, if these people with ADHD use a medication as the first and only treatment for ADHD, they will have to use the medication throughout life. As a result, non-pharmacological treatment seeking, and the use of complementary are on the rise ( 26 ). In addition, children with ADHD have not only core ADHD symptoms, but have also comorbid disorders that increase complexity of treatment such as anxiety, disobedience to rules, aggressive behaviors, oppositional defiant behaviors and other social problems ( 2 , 4 ). These comorbid conditions and associated features not only add to ADHD’s clinical complexity, but also have significant implications for treatment ( 28 ). Therefore, alternative options, including psychosocial treatment approaches, may have utility for amelioration of ADHD symptoms, and have significance in reversing the risks and long-term outcomes associated with ADHD, especially if combined with medication ( 3 , 9 , 28 , 29 ). However, some studies indicated that treatment with a combination of medicine and psychosocial treatment has little or no better result compared to medicine only treatment ( 20 , 30 , 31 ). The Multimodal Treatment Study of Children with ADHD (MTA) compared four treatment options in a 4-group parallel design. Combination treatment and medication management were both significantly superior to behavioral treatment and community care in reducing the symptoms. In certain conditions (such as oppositional-defiant/aggressive symptoms, internalizing symptoms, teacher rated social skills, parent-child relations, and reading achievement), combined treatment was superior to behavioral treatment and/or community care ( 21 ).

On the contrary, other studies have demonstrated incremental results for adding behavior therapy to psychostimulant medication in terms of reductions of ADHD symptoms ( 32 , 33 ). Similarly, psychosocial interventions such as ICPS have been found to be effective for children with ADHD ( 34 ). In support of this, some studies have reported that, psychosocial therapies provided along with medication had positive effects on comorbid internalizing and externalizing behaviors ( 35 , 36 ). Diller and Goldstein ( 37 ) have emphasized: “more than one hundred studies demonstrate that parent and teacher training programs improve child compliance, reduce disruptive behaviors, and improve parent/teacher-child interactions and a number of short-term studies have scientifically demonstrated the effectiveness of psychosocial interventions for ADHD”.

Problem-solving strategies that is one of psychosocial treatments engages both the cognitive and social skills that arise from daily life experiences. Problem-solving skills are considered an important aspect that effects how one reacts and deals with these problems ( 38 ). ICPS program might be useful for both children with and without medication and may contribute to reductions in problematic behaviors. These strategies may also reduce the severity of comorbid disruptive disorders and emotional problems. ICPS training improve problematic behaviors by engaging children in thinking about their actions, the impact of their behavior on themselves and others, the possible consequences of their actions, and other options they have. However, previous studies evaluating the effectiveness of ICPS program in normal children ( 12 , 39 ) concluded that that non-ADHD children with naturally developed problem-solving thinking skills and behavior strategies benefit from ICPS as well as children with ADHD ( 12 , 38 ). There are limited studies related to children with ADHD in the literature to evaluate the effectiveness of ICPS program which we used in our research ( 12 ). In one of the initial studies with single subject design, Shure (1999) has cited that, Aberson (1996) taught ICPS to parents of 3 children with ADHD (12. ??, problem-solving skills and behavior may be improved through the use of ICPS strategies. It is important to recognize that children with ADHD trained in ICPS might learn how to find alternative ways to express their anger, handle anger, and to recognize consequences of their behavior. However, the above mentioned improvement in social and emotional adjustment lasted 4 years after training ended ( 40 ). In another study ( 10 ), also with single subject design, ICPS was conducted to teach 8 children with ADHD who already had been maintaining treatment with psychostimulant drug. While the researcher was teaching ICPS to 8 children with ADHD at an observation class, their mothers observed the ICPS lessons. The mothers applied the learned strategies to their children and used the ICPS dialogs during problem-solving process at home in real-life situations. It was suggested that ICPS program may make an additional contribution into the children treated with a psychostimulant medication to deal with their problems. In parallel with the emphasized idea of the studies ( 12 , 40 ), our data have shown that both ADHD related symptoms and non-ADHD related symptoms were observed to decrease through the use of ICPS strategies.

It was proposed that children with ADHD would need help in learning those skills and the training should be provided in a controlled setting, although normal children might easily learn problem solving skills ( 15 ). Aberson et al. ( 40 ) emphasized that, such initiatives, if applied under special circumstances, could have significant effects on problematic behaviors in children with ADHD. These special conditions were meant for parents to teach their children the skills, and to implement ICPS childrearing techniques altogether; the child learns to internalize the newly acquired skills, and to adapt them to real life. Children with ADHD may need help to generalize and internalize these skills because they could have difficulty to adaptation these skills for a changing environment and generalizing to conditions in real life. In addition, because, rehearsals through games could complement these techniques, during our study, drama and envisaging techniques were used in order to enhance and generalize the acquired skills.

The limitations of this study include: small sample size and the absence of a control group. Other significant limitations of the study could be regarded as not making a comparison with other treatment modalities and, the grading scales used were based on declaration rather than being objective. The present study was planned in a pre-posttest quasi-experimental design with one group. Further research comparing ICPS with other treatment modalities and different factors are needed.

Conclusions

ICPS training based on Interpersonal Problem Solving skills may reduce the level of problems in behaviors of children with ADHD and increase the quality of interpersonal communications. Although American Pediatrics Academy ( 41 ) stated that, psychosocial interventions were found to be effective in treating mild and moderate symptoms of such cases as in the ADHD treatment guidebook published, there is not sufficient evidence for this treatment to be applied alone. Hence, integrated and multimodal treatment approaches may be more convenient hypotheses. ICPS training is relatively easy to learn and to utilize in school settings, and may be conveniently used by most disciplines working with children. Consequently, it is thought that, the ICPS is beneficial training for children with ADHD in order to modify problematic behaviors that interfere with quality of learning, socialization and overall quality of life.

Process of the study

Conflict of interest: The authors reported no conflict of interest related to this article.

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Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal skills are the skills we use every day when we communicate and interact with other people, both individually and in groups. They include a wide range of skills, but particularly communication skills such as listening and effective speaking. They also include the ability to control and manage your emotions.

It is no exaggeration to say that interpersonal skills are the foundation for success in life. People with strong interpersonal skills tend to be able to work well with other people, including in teams or groups, formally and informally. They communicate effectively with others, whether family, friends, colleagues, customers or clients. They also have better relationships at home and at work.

You can improve your interpersonal skills by developing your awareness of how you interact with others and practising your skills.

This page provides an overview of interpersonal skills and how they are developed and used. It explains where these skills are important, including particular jobs that may require very good interpersonal skills. Finally, it discusses how you can start to develop your interpersonal skills further.

What are Interpersonal Skills?

Interpersonal skills are sometimes referred to as social skills, people skills, soft skills, or life skills.

However, these terms can be used both more narrowly and more broadly than ‘ interpersonal skills ’. On this website, we define interpersonal skills as:

“The skills you need and use to communicate and interact with other people.”

This definition means that interpersonal skills therefore include:

• Communication skills , which in turn covers:
• Verbal Communication – what we say and how we say it;
• Non-Verbal Communication – what we communicate without words, for example through body language, or tone of voice; and
• Listening Skills – how we interpret both the verbal and non-verbal messages sent by others.
• Emotional intelligence – being able to understand and manage your own and others’ emotions.
• Team-working – being able to work with others in groups and teams, both formal and informal.
• Negotiation, persuasion and influencing skills – working with others to find a mutually agreeable (Win/Win) outcome. This may be considered a subset of communication, but it is often treated separately.
• Conflict resolution and mediation – working with others to resolve interpersonal conflict and disagreements in a positive way, which again may be considered a subset of communication.
• Problem solving and decision-making – working with others to identify, define and solve problems, which includes making decisions about the best course of action.

The Importance of Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal skills matter because none of us lives in a bubble.

In the course of our lives, we have to communicate with and interact with other people on a daily if not hourly basis, and sometimes more often. Good interpersonal skills ‘oil the wheels’ of these interactions, making them smoother and pleasanter for all those involved. They allow us to build better and longer-lasting relationships, both at home and at work.

Interpersonal skills at home

Good interpersonal skills help you to communicate more effectively with family and friends.

This is likely to be particularly important with your partner. For example, being able to give and receive feedback effectively with your partner can help to resolve small problems between you before they become big issues.

There is more about this, and other aspects of using interpersonal skills at home, in our pages on Personal and Romantic Relationship Skills and Parenting Skills .

Interpersonal skills at work

You may not like to think about it in these terms, but you almost certainly spend more time with your colleagues than your partner.

At work, you are required to communicate with and interact with a wide range of people, from suppliers and customers through to your immediate colleagues, colleagues further afield, your team and your manager. Your ability to do so effectively can make the difference between a successful working life, and one spent wondering what went wrong.

There are, of course, some jobs in which interpersonal skills are particularly important.

Customer-facing roles, such as sales and customer relations management, are likely to specify good interpersonal skills as a prerequisite. However, there are a number of other less obvious jobs and careers where interpersonal skills are also vitally important. These include:

Healthcare provision, including doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals . Being able to listen to, and talk to, patients and their families is an essential skill, as is being able to give bad news in a sensitive way. We almost take these skills for granted in healthcare professionals—but we also know how devastating the situation can be when these professionals have poor skills and fail to communicate effectively.

Financial advice and brokerage . Financial advisers and brokers need to be able to listen carefully to their customers, and understand both what they are saying, and what they are not articulating. This enables them to provide recommendations that match their clients’ needs. Poor interpersonal skills mean that they will find it harder to build good customer relationships, and to understand customer needs.

Computer programming and development . This area is often thought of as the ultimate territory for ‘geeks’, with the assumption that interpersonal skills are not essential. However, technical developers increasingly need good interpersonal skills to understand their customers, and to be able to ‘translate’ between the technical and the practical.

Interpersonal Skills for Job Seekers

Good interpersonal skills are essential at work, but many people find them hard to demonstrate during a job application process. Some ideas to help include:

‘Naming and claiming’ in your CV or resume. Give a clear statement of a particular skill or skills that you possess, and then give examples to show how you have demonstrated them in practice. For example:

“I have excellent written communication skills, and my colleagues often ask me to check their written work for them before onward transmission.”

• Carefully name-checking any specific skills that are mentioned in the job description or person specification. Make life easy for the recruiter. In your personal statement or covering letter, use the same terms as the job description or person specification, and again, give examples.

For more ideas about how to improve your chances of getting a job, see our pages on Writing a CV or Resume , Writing a Covering Letter and Applying for a Job .

Developing Your Interpersonal Skills

Good interpersonal skills are the foundation for good working and social relationships, and also for developing many other areas of skill.

It is therefore worth spending time developing good interpersonal skills.

You Already Have Interpersonal Skills

We've all been developing our interpersonal skills since childhood, usually subconsciously.

Interpersonal skills often become so natural that we take them for granted, never thinking about how we communicate with other people. If you have developed good habits, this is fine. However, it is of course also possible to develop bad habits, and then fail to understand why your communications or relationships are suffering.

Improving and developing your interpersonal skills is best done in steps, starting with the most basic, but vital:

1. Identify areas for improvement

The first step towards improving is to develop your knowledge of yourself and your weaknesses.

You may already have a good idea of areas that you need to develop. However, it is worth seeking feedback from other people, because it is easy to develop ‘blind spots’ about yourself. You might also find it useful to do our Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment.

Discover your interpersonal skills strengths and weaknesses.

Our free self-assessment covers listening skills, verbal communication, emotional intelligence and working in groups.

The self-assessment may give you an idea of which areas to develop first. It may, however, also be worth starting with the basics, and moving on from there.

2. Focus on your basic communication skills

Communication is far more than the words that come out of your mouth.

Some would even go so far as to suggest that there is a reason why you have two ears and one mouth, and that you should therefore listen twice as much as you talk!

Listening is very definitely not the same as hearing. Perhaps one of the most important things you can do for anyone else is to take the time to listen carefully to what they are saying, considering both their verbal and non-verbal communication. Using techniques like questioning and reflection demonstrates that you are both listening and interested.

Visit our Listening Skills pages to learn more.

When you are talking, be aware of the words you use. Could you be misunderstood or confuse the issue? Practise clarity and learn to seek feedback or clarification to ensure your message has been understood. By using questions effectively, you can both check others’ understanding, and also learn more from them.

Our page on Verbal Communication introduces this subject. You may also find our pages on Questioning and Clarification useful.

You may think that selecting your words is the most important part of getting a message across, but non-verbal communication actually plays a much bigger part than many of us are aware. Some experts suggest that around three-quarters of the ‘message’ is communicated by non-verbal signals such as body language, tone of voice, and the speed at which you speak.

These non-verbal signals reinforce or contradict the message of our words, and are much harder to fake than words. They are therefore a much more reliable signal. Learning to read body language is a vital part of communication.

For more about this, see our page on Non-Verbal Communication . If you are really interested, you may want to explore more, either about Body Language , or the importance of Face and Voice in non-verbal communication.

3. Improve your more advanced communication skills

Once you are confident in your basic listening and verbal and non-verbal communication, you can move on to more advanced areas around communication, such as becoming more effective in how you speak, and understanding why you may be having communication problems.

Our page on Effective Speaking includes tips on how to use your voice to full effect.

Communication is rarely perfect and can fail for a number of reasons. Understanding more about the possible barriers to good communication means that you can be aware of—and reduce the likelihood of—ineffective interpersonal communication and misunderstandings. Problems with communication can arise for a number of reasons, such as:

• Physical barriers , for example, being unable to see or hear the speaker properly, or language difficulties;
• Emotional barriers , such as not wanting to hear what is being said, or engage with that topic; and
• Expectations and prejudices that affect what people see and hear.

See our page Barriers to Communication for more information.

There are also circumstances in which communication is more difficult: for example, when you have to have an unpleasant conversation with someone, perhaps about their standard of work. These conversations may be either planned or unplanned.

There tend to be two issues that make conversations more difficult: emotion, and change.

• Various emotions can get in the way of communicating , including anger and aggression, or stress. Few of us are able to communicate effectively when we are struggling to manage our emotions, and sometimes the best thing that can be done is to postpone the conversation until everyone is calmer.
• Difficult conversations are often about the need for change . Many of us find change hard to manage, especially if it is associated with an implied criticism of existing ways of working.

Our page Communicating in Difficult Situations offers further ideas to help you to get your message across when stress levels or other emotions are running high.

4. Look inwards

Interpersonal skills may be about how you relate to others, but they start with you . Many will be improved dramatically if you work on your personal skills.

For example, people are much more likely to be drawn to you if you can maintain a positive attitude. A positive attitude also translates into improved self-confidence.

You are also less likely to be able to communicate effectively if you are very stressed about something. It is therefore important to learn to recognise, manage and reduce stress in yourself and others (and see our section on Stress and Stress Management for more). Being able to remain assertive, without becoming either passive or aggressive, is also key to effective communication. There is more about this in our pages on Assertiveness .

Perhaps the most important overarching personal skill is developing emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own and others’ emotions, and their effect on behaviour and attitudes. It is therefore perhaps best considered as both personal and interpersonal in its nature, but there is no doubt that improving your emotional intelligence will help in all areas of interpersonal skills. Daniel Goleman, the author of a number of books on emotional intelligence, identified five key areas, three of which are personal, and two interpersonal.

The personal skills , or ‘how we manage ourselves’, are self-awareness , self-regulation , and motivation . In other words, the first steps towards understanding and managing the emotions of others is to be able to understand and manage our own emotions, including understanding what motivates us.

The social skills , or ‘how we handle relationships with others’, are empathy and social skills . These mean understanding and feeling for others, and then being able to interact effectively with them.

Improving your emotional intelligence therefore improves your understanding that other people have different points of view. It helps you to try to see things from their perspective. In doing so, you may learn something whilst gaining the respect and trust of others.

5. Use and practise your interpersonal skills in particular situations

There are a number of situations in which you need to use interpersonal skills. Consciously putting yourself in those positions, and practising your skills, then reflecting on the outcomes, will help you to improve.

For example:

Interpersonal skills are essential when working in groups.

Group-work is also a common situation, both at home and at work, giving you plenty of opportunity to work on your skills. It may be helpful to understand more about group dynamics and ways of working, as these can affect how both you and others behave.

For more about the different types of teams and groups, see our page An introduction to Teams and Groups , and for more about how people behave in groups, see Group and Team Roles . You can find more about the skills essential to team working in our page on Effective Team-Working .

Interpersonal skills may also be particularly helpful if you have to negotiate, persuade and influence others.

Effective negotiations—that is, where you are seeking a win–win outcome, rather than win–lose—will pave the way to mutual respect, trust and lasting interpersonal relations. Only by looking for a solution that works for both parties, rather than seeking to win at all costs, can you establish a good relationship that will enable you to work together over and over again.

Being able to persuade and influence others—again, for mutual benefit—is also a key building block towards strong interpersonal relations.

There is more about all of these in our pages on Negotiation and Persuasion . These pages explain negotiation , and discuss how it works , and explore the art of persuasion and influence in more detail.

Resolving and mediating in conflict scenarios can be a real test of interpersonal skills

Sometimes negotiation and persuasion are not enough to avoid conflict. When this happens, you need strong conflict resolution and potentially even mediation skills. Conflict can arise from poorly-handled interpersonal communications, and may be addressed simply by listening carefully to both sides, and demonstrating that you have done so. Finding a win–win situation is similarly important here, because it shows that you respect both sides.

These skills may be thought of as advanced communication skills. However, if you are often required to manage such situations, some specialist training may be helpful.

See our pages on Conflict Resolution and Mediation Skills for more.

Finally, problem-solving and decision-making are usually better when they involve more than one person

Problem-solving and decision-making are key life skills. While both can be done alone, they are often better for the involvement of more people. This means that they also frequently involve interpersonal elements, and there is no doubt that better interpersonal skills will help with both.

See our pages on Problem-Solving and Decision-Making for more.

6. Reflect on your experience and improve

The final element in developing and improving your interpersonal skills is to develop the habit of self-reflection. Taking time to think about conversations and interpersonal interactions will enable you to learn from your mistakes and successes, and continue to develop. You might, for example, find it helpful to keep a diary or learning journal and write in it each week.

For more about this, see our pages on Reflective Practice and Improving Communication Skills .

Further Reading from Skills You Need

The Skills You Need Guide to Interpersonal Skills eBooks.

Develop your interpersonal skills with our series of eBooks. Learn about and improve your communication skills, tackle conflict resolution, mediate in difficult situations, and develop your emotional intelligence.

Continue to: Developing Interpersonal Skills in Children Interpersonal Communication Skills Principles of Interpersonal Communication